About Wyrd Smythe
The canonical fool on the hill watching the sunset and the rotation of the planet and thinking what he imagines are large thoughts.
At this point it seems safe to say the Earth continues to orbit the Sun, and that life on the planet also continues. Either the Mayans were wrong, or all those people thousands of years later, working off little (or no) knowledge of the situation, were not correctly interpreting the situation.
Ya think? 😁
In any event, it sounds like a good excuse to throw a party! Let’s make it a good one!! We’ll decorate extensively (I’m thinking a red and white color scheme), and maybe there should be some gift-giving.
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6 Comments | tags: asteroid, cats, Chillaxmas, Christmas, eating alone, elephants, Mayan Calendar, Mayans, New Year's Eve, Tunguska | posted in Life
The cow just jumped over the Moon; I saw it!
Of course, by ‘cow’ I mean International Space Station (ISS), and by ‘jumped’ I mean swung smoothly over a period of several seconds. And by ‘Moon’ I mean — you know — the Moon.
For a space geek (and I should think, really, for any oxygen-breather), it was kind of thrill and a nice cap to Christmas. (I’m indebted to my friend, Jeff, who called moments before to let me know! It was way worth standing out in the 12-degree chill!)
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7 Comments | tags: blog, blogging, Chillaxmas, cow, Freshly Pressed, funny poetry, International Space Station, ISS, Night Before Christmas, poems, poetry, Santa | posted in Life
Christmas to me in a word: Lefse!
Merry Christmas! The day our inner child has been awaiting is finally here. It’s Christmas Day, the first of The Twelve Days of Christmas! I have a series of 12 intensely Christmas-y posts planned for the next 12 days. Each post keys off its respective line in that immortal song.
I’m sure you will enjoy my essays on the political ramifications of Leaping Lords, and I have a shocking Dairy & Hotel industry exposé concerning certain Milking Maids. Earlier in the series, you may enjoy the article about the bizarre biology and genetics of so-called “Turtle Doves.” There’s also a travel article; we’re going to France to see some Hens.
Yes, of course I’m kidding. This is a lazy Christmas Day post of random (sometimes silly) thoughts and memories of Christmas Passed.
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23 Comments | tags: Christmas, Christmas Day, cinnamon sugar, cod, cold, cookies, lefse, lutefisk, White Christmas, winter | posted in Life
A couple of funny things happened on the way to today’s post! The first thing is that — apparently due to having unknown Time Posting powers (or perhaps there was a passing Christmas Time Warp) — the post posted today tunneled back in time two days!
And while I’m pleased with this new-found power (I am a bit puzzled on how to wield it in the Name of Goodness), the point of posting a “Night Before Christmas” parody on the night before Christmas is — in fact — that you are posting it on the night before Christmas. (Naturally, my ruling star of Irony would insure that, with great power comes great befuddlement.)
But combined with the other thing that happened today, I choose to take this as a sign to write a new Christmas Eve post. You see, today I was Freshly Pressed!
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4 Comments | tags: Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas presents, Freshly Pressed, Joy, Peace on Earth, Twilight Zone | posted in Life
Most of us have traditional ways of celebrating or observing the re-occurring events in our lives. An anniversary might call for dinner at a certain restaurant. A promotion or sale might call for buying a round of drinks. The great life milestones—births, graduations, weddings, retirements, deaths—all come heavily freighted with traditional behaviors.
For me, an important tradition at Christmas time is watching—and reading—the Charles Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol! I think it is one of the most engaging, endearing, wonderful and important stories ever. It is a story of redemption and re-discovery of lost joy. And it is an affirmation that how we choose to live our lives matters.
Plus it has ghosts!
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17 Comments | tags: A Christmas Carol, adaptations, Alastair Sim, Bill Murray, Charles Dickens, George C. Scott, Jim Carrey, Patrick Stewart, Reginald Owen, Scrooge | posted in Basics, Books, Life, Movies
Yesterday I tendered a generic, obligation-free, all-inclusive, organically raised, specially filtered, gluten-free, pesticide-free, steroid-free, high-fiber (but high fructose corn syrup-free) Winter Solstice greeting to one and all.
And then I went and either ruined, counter-pointed, offset or highlighted that greeting by playing you out with a Stevie Nicks version of a venerable Christmas Carol (wearing the fake beard, nose and lens-free plastic glasses of a “Solstice Hymn”… I’m guessing you weren’t fooled).
Clearly this “Christmas meme” has not only gone viral but appears likely to be with us for a while. Therefore, straddling the gap between High Holy Holidays and a world-embracing non-centrist view, I offer you this version of The Twelve Days of Christmas (not to be confused with the actual 12 days of Christmas):
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9 Comments | tags: 12 Days of Christmas, Christmas, humor, politically correct, Shrek, Straight No Chaser | posted in From My Collection, Music
December is a dark month. It has the shortest day of the year (thankfully behind us now), and it comes at the end of a string of months — six of them — where the days have been getting shorter and shorter. By now, many of us drive to work in the dark and drive home in the dark. And for some there is snow and ice as well.
Sounds like a good time to throw a huge, everybody’s-involved, party! (So add all the present purchasing and party preparation to the mix with the cold and the dark.)
Hopefully at this point the work is behind you and it’s all fun for the next two days. As we wait for the party to start, here’s another politically corrected version of an old favorite. In this case, that poem about the night before…
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3 Comments | tags: Ay Ay Ay It's Christmas, Christmas, humor, Night Before Christmas, politically correct, Santa, Santa Claus | posted in From My Collection
As I write this, the 2012 Winter Solstice (and, perhaps, the long-anticipated End of the World) is about nine hours away. At 11:12 “Zulu” time (UTC) tomorrow (12/21; nice palindromic date), the sun passes a certain key spot in its orbit.
After that, due to the Earth’s axial tilt, the days then start getting longer! (At least for those of us in the northern hemisphere. For those in the southern hemi, tomorrow is the sorrowful day when the light begins to fade.) I’ve always liked the view that those sky dragons that have been munching on our sun have had their fill and have moved off to slumber off their repast for six months.
In any event, the days will start getting longer, and that’s cause for celebration. In commemoration of this auspicious day, I offer you this Solstice Greeting…
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16 Comments | tags: December, end of the world, greeting, holiday, humor, Solstice, winter, Winter Solstice | posted in Basics, From My Collection, Life
So now we’ve established that Santa Claus is a magical being possessed of unknown gender, amazing abilities and a stable of cryptofauna. We can be thankful such a powerful being is not just friendly, but apparently an annual giver of gifts (at least to those who have been “nice” per this being’s magical “list”).
Certainly, a large portion of the Earth’s children — held in thrall to this unknowable annual alien — have sought his favor by sending him petitions through the mail. (The word is that His Jolliness has agents planted in postal services throughout the world to intercept these missives.)
Even the famous plastic couple, Barbie and Ken, have felt the pull of this fur-trimmed creature lurking at the top of the world…
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19 Comments | tags: Barbie, Christmas, Dear Santa, humor, Ken, parody, Santa, Santa Claus | posted in From My Collection
Having previously established that Santa has to be magical (because the laws of physics prohibit a real Santa accomplishing successful toy delivery), we can turn to the question of Santa’s gender. One might question this on the grounds of Santa’s apparent historic maleness, but in counter I offer George Sand, Mulan and any number of Shakespeare plays.
One might also question this on the grounds of gender perhaps not applying to magical creatures, to which I reply that Hobbits, Elves and Dwarves seem pretty clear on the matter (although one can never really tell with Dwarves—all that hair and battle armor are quite concealing, and it’s poor form to actually ask).
In any event, like all “news” programs these days, I give you now, two opposing views on the matter of Santa’s gender. You decide.
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253 Comments | tags: Christmas, humor, men, Mr Santa, Mrs Santa, Ms Santa, Santa, Santa Claus, Santa female, Santa gender, Santa male, women | posted in From My Collection
Logos con carne 