Tag Archives: Santa Claus

Movies: Acclaimed Trio

Secretary-0I never intended this blog to be a movie or TV review blog, but I’ve found myself posting about various films or TV shows I’ve really liked (or — in a few cases — really hated). I often get too lost in a story to see myself as a good reviewer or analyst (serious film critics often amaze me by what they pick up on), but storytelling is a favorite area of mine, and I do enjoy writing about it.

Hence forth, I plan to be more open to writing about movies and TV shows. I do enjoy sharing some of the little known gems I find, and — if nothing else — it’s nice to have a record of those and my reactions to them at the time. And (as always) I enjoy a good rant about the ones that pissed me off. I make no claim to being a particularly good critic; take any of these as just my 1/50th of a buck’s worth.

Today I want to share three critically acclaimed, utterly delightful, gems.

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Christmas Countdown: 2

Santa stressedThe Countdown continues; Christmas is getting closer!  Today I have, not one, but two poems — both “politically correct” parodies of familiar seasonal icons.

The first Way-Back link is a new look at the The Night Before Christmas and Santa’s woes in a consumer-aware world (worse than his woes with physics).  The second picks up the next day with The (Politically Correct)  Twelve Days of Christmas. (Both are neolithic email “shares” from the ghost of Christmas Past.)

And now fun — and funny — Christmas tunes…

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Christmas Countdown: 3

Dear SantaSome of you are back to work today; some of you took the week off to relax or get ready. Time is short, so get any last minute requests to Santa before it’s too late! (For the record, I have never written a letter to Santa. My parents never played the Santa Trick on me or my sister.)

The theme is Dear Santa (I Want), and the Way-Back link is to another neolithic share. This one containing two missives for Mr. Claus, one from a Ms. Barbara “Lawyer Barbie” Mattel (of the South Beach Mattels), and one from a Mr. Kenneth “Doll” Mattel (of the less well-to-do Redondo Beach branch).

And now, a set of secular seasonal selections…

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Christmas Countdown: 5

Santas bothAfter an analysis of Santa’s physical parameters, we’re still curious about the Claus. Does Santa, in fact, have claws? They would certainly help with chimneys. A question of quite some interest is: Does Santa have sex (in the biology class sense)? If so, ♂ or ♀?

The Way-Back link is to Santa: Man or Woman? It’s my only small claim to fame on WordPress — it’s the only post I’ve had Freshly Pressed! (How ironic it wasn’t a piece I actually wrote. It’s another fax or email “share” from the neolithic era of technology.)

And now, more music…

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Christmas Countdown: 6

Santa not realBack in the days when fax machines were cool, “sharing” was a tiny trickle compared to the raging river of today. “Images” were black and white (not even grays) and 8.5″ x 11″ paper-sized. “Texts” were also that size, came in a variety of “fonts.” Both usually looked like something that had been photocopied 500 times.

Then as now there were gems. Here’s (a link to) one of them: Santa Claus: Fact or Fiction? It’s a trenchant treatise on the putative physical reality of Santa Claus. It considers some of the numbers involved, but I’ve never verified them, so be warned (38.5% of statistics are made up on the spot).

 And now, today’s musical selections:

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12-13-14

14-12-13Today is a date most folks living in the USA write as 12-13-14, and for anyone who loves numbers a date like that demands a post of some sort. I’d planned to goof off today, maybe catch up on some movies, but there’s just no way I won’t post on a date with a sequence like that.

Of course, others write today’s date as 13-12-14, but they’re not from around here. And there’s just no helping those who insist on writing 2014. The real error is putting the year last — the sensible way is 14-12-13, which allows proper sorting of dates chronologically. We should all change to that immediately.

If it’s not obvious yet, today is just a meandering ramble.

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Geek Posts Ahead!

Sideband MachineAs one might guess from yesterday’s post, which was supposed to be about vampires, that the geek force runs strong in this one. Of course, it always does. Far as I can tell, I was born an über-geek and shall remain an über-geek until my final breath (which will no doubt be some geeky observation).

But then geek comes from “carnival geek” and just means someone with expertise in a niche field. I’m fine with that — it’s just the plain truth in my case — but I like to believe my expertise is maybe just a little bit broader than biting heads off chickens. (On the other hand, as perhaps everyone does, I’ve sometimes wondered if joining a carnival might not make for a much simpler life.)

In any event, for a while I intend to indulge my inner über-geek.

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Santa: Politically Correct

Santa is StressedDecember is a dark month. It has the shortest day of the year (thankfully behind us now), and it comes at the end of a string of months—six of them—where the days have been getting shorter and shorter. By now, many of us drive to work in the dark and drive home in the dark.  And for some there is snow and ice as well.

Sounds like a good time to throw a huge, everybody’s-involved, party! (So add all the present purchasing and party preparation to the mix with the cold and the dark.)

Hopefully at this point the work is behind you and it’s all fun for the next two days. As we wait for the party to start, here’s another politically corrected version of an old favorite. In this case, that poem about the night before…

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Dear Santa: from Barbie

Dear SantaSo now we’ve established that Santa Claus is a magical being possessed of unknown gender, amazing abilities and a stable of cryptofauna. We can be thankful such a powerful being is not just friendly, but apparently an annual giver of gifts (at least to those who have been “nice” per this being’s magical “list”).

Certainly a large portion of the Earth’s children—held in thrall to this unknowable annual alien—have sought his favor by sending him petitions through the mail. (The word is that His Jolliness has agents planted in postal services throughout the world to intercept these missives.)

Even the famous plastic couple, Barbie and Ken, have felt the pull of this fur-trimmed creature lurking at the top of the world…

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Santa: Man or Woman?

Santas bothHaving previously established that Santa has to be magical (because the laws of physics prohibit a real Santa accomplishing successful toy delivery), we can turn to the question of Santa’s gender. One might question this on the grounds of Santa’s apparent historic maleness, but in counter I offer George Sand, Mulan and any number of Shakespeare plays.

One might also question this on the grounds of gender perhaps not applying to magical creatures, to which I reply that Hobbits, Elves and Dwarves seem pretty clear on the matter (although one can never really tell with Dwarves—all that hair and battle armor are quite concealing, and it’s poor form to actually ask).

In any event, like all “news” programs these days, I give you now, two opposing views on the matter of Santa’s gender. You decide.

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