Having previously established that Santa has to be magical (because the laws of physics prohibit a real Santa accomplishing successful toy delivery), we can turn to the question of Santa’s gender. One might question this on the grounds of Santa’s apparent historic maleness, but in counter I offer George Sand, Mulan and any number of Shakespeare plays.
One might also question this on the grounds of gender perhaps not applying to magical creatures, to which I reply that Hobbits, Elves and Dwarves seem pretty clear on the matter (although one can never really tell with Dwarves—all that hair and battle armor are quite concealing, and it’s poor form to actually ask).
In any event, like all “news” programs these days, I give you now, two opposing views on the matter of Santa’s gender. You decide.
Santa is a man!
It is precisely because Christmas is an “organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal” that Santa has to be a man. Delegation… that’s the key. Just imagine if a woman was trying to delegate all of those tasks and obligations to her underlings. Christmas would be as ambiguous as the spring equinox. Nobody would know what day of the year we were going to celebrate it on.
It takes a man to organize a commercial event as huge as Christmas. What with the ads, the parades, the football, and the basketball, the sheer immensity of the task would overwhelm most females. We’d have to plan football schedules around lunch instead of the other way around. Or worse yet… there might not be any football at all. [shudder] That’s a scary thought.
If Santa was a female, the toys might never be delivered. It would take a she Santa until New Year’s Eve to get dressed (for the third time) and out of the bathroom. And just try harnessing those reindeer with freshly painted nails. Never happen. Once she got underway, she’d be too busy talking on the cell phone to her girl friends to get all the way around the world to every girl and boy’s house in a single year, let alone a single night.
If Santa was female, the whole idea of gift giving would be unrecognizable. Everybody would get socks, or ties, or aftershave, or fuzzy slippers every year. There would be none of the noise-making, shoot ‘em up, battery-operated windfalls that kids love. Bicycles would all come complete with helmets and knee pads. And training wheels so nobody could get hurt. Toy soldiers would be replaced by books on improving one’s self-esteem. Christmas just wouldn’t be the same.
I’ll tell you another reason why Santa has to be a man (and a football fan). Look at the names of his reindeer: Dasher, Comet, Blitzen… If those aren’t male names for football players, then I’m an elf!
Santa is a Woman!
I think Santa Claus is a woman… I hate to be the one to defy a sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I’m convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen’s rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he’d still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man:
- Men can’t pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don’t answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a “bowlful of jelly.”
- Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men:
- Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous; definite guy.
- Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
- Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance.
As with the previous attempt to bind Santa to mere physics, I think the attempt to bind Santa to mere gender is doomed to fail. Santa is more likely quantum and therefore both (and neither) man and woman!
And more importantly… isn’t there a little Santa in all of us? Well, there should be. Embrace your inner Santa and be a Santa! We’re not turning Japanese; we’re turning Santa Claus!
December 18th, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Very funny and enjoyable post to read. Thanks!
December 18th, 2012 at 7:07 pm
I’m glad you liked it! I’m always a little leery of humor based on stereotypes. For me it needs to not be mean, and it needs to ring true. “Ha, ha, aren’t we humans funny!” I like that. Divisive and mean isn’t funny to me. And I like ones like this that tweak both sides. A bit of fairness!
December 18th, 2012 at 8:01 pm
I like equal opportunity mocking!
December 18th, 2012 at 8:16 pm
You should enjoy the next posting, then!
December 19th, 2012 at 6:27 am
This is fabulous … I will be sharing these two posts with my readers.
December 19th, 2012 at 10:47 am
There’s more from my archives coming!
December 19th, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Looking forward to them. Come on over … you will enjoy today’s satire bits.
December 20th, 2012 at 2:16 pm
Cool! I’ll try to drop by after work and posting today’s (very important!) article.
December 19th, 2012 at 7:00 am
Very funny, and very clever!
December 19th, 2012 at 10:47 am
(On behalf of the original author, whoever that was,) Thank you!!
December 20th, 2012 at 9:56 pm
[...] that WordPress is giving me a Winter Solstice present. I got an email yesterday telling me that my Santa: Man or Woman? post had been, yes, that’s right, Freshly Pressed. Having watched many of my blogmates go [...]
December 24th, 2012 at 4:14 pm
Great sense of humour! I like your arguments
December 24th, 2012 at 4:24 pm
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Nice to use the power of debate for something important, for once, don’t you think? All this debate over presidents and politics… Bah, humbug! Santa is where that stuff gets real!
December 24th, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Reblogged this on the social discussion.
December 24th, 2012 at 4:54 pm
Thank you, I’m honored! Merry Christmas!!
December 24th, 2012 at 4:57 pm
[...] And LogosConCarne also posted an interesting rebuttal on the proposition that Santa is a Woman [...]
December 24th, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Congratulations on Freshly Pressed. I always enjoy seeing posts before they reach the honor.
December 24th, 2012 at 5:40 pm
Thanks! Yep, you got in on the ground floor!
December 24th, 2012 at 5:41 pm
Look beside you on the FP page.
December 24th, 2012 at 5:43 pm
December 24th, 2012 at 5:45 pm
I have no clue … I’m approaching 1100 posts of informative writing, and this one gets it!
December 24th, 2012 at 5:48 pm
Is this is the first time you’ve been FP? That’s a lot of posts!
December 24th, 2012 at 5:52 pm
Yep. … Until a short time ago, I was the self-declared occupier of the throne for a self-declared nation.
December 24th, 2012 at 8:36 pm
I’ve seen bloggers who just started getting Freshly Pressed, so it’s not based on time in the saddle. Seems to be more a matter of getting noticed and striking someone’s fancy. You’ve been around a lot longer than I have; I’m thinking I might just break 200 before the end of the year.
December 25th, 2012 at 7:01 am
Who knows how and why … but it is good to be noticed.
December 25th, 2012 at 1:43 pm
It sure is a lot of fun meeting all these new people!
December 24th, 2012 at 8:28 pm
I think Santa is whatever you want it to be! Thanks for sharing.
December 24th, 2012 at 8:37 pm
Thanks for dropping by and commenting! I totally agree, obviously!
December 24th, 2012 at 8:38 pm
Have a great Holiday! http://www.segmation.com
December 24th, 2012 at 8:50 pm
nice one.
December 24th, 2012 at 9:04 pm
Thanks!
December 24th, 2012 at 8:57 pm
This was great. And know that Santa IS, indeed, a woman … for reasons that I’ll leave unwritten for fear children read this post. Merry Christmas!
December 24th, 2012 at 9:04 pm
Thank you. We can wait until all the kiddies are in bed before we start telling tales… but please do tell tales!
December 24th, 2012 at 11:18 pm
Hahahah, I absolutely love this. When I was younger I played a Christmas game in which Death was depicted as a woman, and far kinder than the way Death is portrayed.
Merry Christmas!
December 24th, 2012 at 11:53 pm
A Christmas game that includes Death? Interesting game; tell me more!
Merry Christmas to you and yours, as well!!
December 28th, 2012 at 11:59 am
You know, I don’t actually remember much about the game, even the name! But I absolutely loved it. Strange.. Hahaha.
December 28th, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Childhood memories can be like that. It’s funny the bits and pieces I do remember (generally speaking I have poor memory for my past—makes it enjoyable re-reading books, though).
January 3rd, 2013 at 1:19 am
You know, I do as well. And sometimes it sucks, because you want so badly to recall something you can only remember half the awesome of. Then, there’s times when you don’t want to remember bits, and it’s good. Because you don’t.
January 3rd, 2013 at 10:36 am
On balance, I guess I’m good with it. I do enjoy re-reading books and re-watching movies (it justifies having bought them in the first place!). And I remember as I go along, but I rarely remember what comes next. Even “who done it” stories… often I just can’t remember. Got a head full of too much other stuff, I guess!
January 4th, 2013 at 3:22 am
That’s fortunate! I never forget a movie or an ending to a good book, especially a decent mystery.
How I wish I could forget, just to rediscover. I vaguely remember enough only to ruin the suspenseful moments. It’s quite sad.
January 4th, 2013 at 8:53 am
I don’t know what it is… my mind just doesn’t seem to find that stuff worth storing, I guess. As I said, I kind of remember it as I go along (there are a lot of, “Oh, yeah, I remember this!” moments), but can’t remember what happens next. On the flip side, I have a buddy who can sometimes quote bits from books he read once years ago.
January 5th, 2013 at 4:15 am
Ah, I’m very much like that, in the sense I can quote not just novels, but movies too!
Haha, all the same, it does sound like an enjoyable experience. But I guess like all things, it has its pros and cons.
January 5th, 2013 at 11:09 am
Indeed. I suspect most of the interesting things in life are that way. There are certainly many double-edged swords modern life. The interweb being a very good “Exhibit A.” There is so much here that is wonderful (and as a “knowledge worker” — the new buzz term — I use the resources heavily in my work). And there is so much here that is meaningless fluff, and there is even evil here (hate sites, child porn, etc.). They say WWW means “World Wide Web” but I can’t help but think it really means “Wild, Wild West.”
In any event, I was re-watching Jodie Foster’s The Brave One last night, and this conversation popped into my mind, because, while I could remember the basics, I couldn’t remember any of the details, and I totally didn’t remember the ending.
(Just so you don’t think my mind is total mush, I’m fluent in dozens of programming languages and technologies. It may actually be why I don’t remember the stories… no room in the attic!)
January 7th, 2013 at 11:40 pm
Haha, perhaps that may be why. Although one may remember something so vividly at a young age, we are later confronted with newer (and because it’s new), more important information. There is no room for trivial knowledge such as what happened at the end of every Nero Wolfe I have read.
And in turn, perhaps I have not encountered information that seems important enough. Or just that I have lots more space left to consume.
That’s an interesting thought. I guess it also depends on how one values their knowledge.
I do however love the “Wild, Wild West” example you have!
January 8th, 2013 at 9:55 am
Yes, all very good points, I think!
My theory is that, when you’re younger, there is a lot more room in the “attic,” and significant events especially can become well-embedded. Many people have lifelong very vivid childhood memories. (Not me. Most of my childhood is shrouded in mist, and much of it seems completely gone.) We also don’t have a sense of what’s truly important then, so we can sometimes fix on childhood memories we carry lifelong, but which don’t mean all that much.
In the first Sherlock Holmes novel, when Watson and Holmes meet and shack up together, Holmes explains his “attic” theory to Watson. Holmes’ idea that space is limited causes him to be highly selective about knowledge. Thus he can identify dozens of types of cigar ash on sight, but can’t name the planets of the solar system. The former is useful knowledge; the latter is not.
That bit in the novel has informed my life since I read it back in high school. I have a feeling I don’t approach most movies, books or TV shows as knowledge worth keeping (although I do seem to extract lessons learned from the material—I often remember the point, but not the plot). On the flip side, my work is highly technical, highly demanding and knowledge gained there is hugely useful.
It has been a bit of life-luck that my hobbies and interests are so closely aligned with my career. Or perhaps it’s more that I’ve been very fortunate in finding work that is so well aligned with my interests and hobbies!
January 8th, 2013 at 7:05 pm
However, it seems to me that while I remember such trivial information, I do not remember much of my childhood either. Sadly, I cannot even say I clearly remember the past two months. Now although this is a medical condition, I seem to retain information purely of things that do not seem to hold meaningful value.
And I do like your point: it is more important to remember the moral of the story, not the story itself. Although it does depend. If you are to teach, the moral alone will not do. However in learning, it is the key point.
It’s very fortunate that your career is to your liking, I know several people who are not as lucky. A friend of mine often complains close to every time I see her that she will quit work. Yet she doesn’t. Perhaps there is a secret liking, or perhaps she really is stuck in a dead-end job!
It’s sad.
January 8th, 2013 at 7:35 pm
Oh, I’m very aware always that I’ve been incredibly lucky in terms of work!! My impression is that loving your work is much more rare than not. (And sadly, it’s no longer really true for me, which is why I’m counting down days until I can retire and GTFO.)
December 24th, 2012 at 11:26 pm
Hilarious … but I still think Santa’s an alien ;P
December 24th, 2012 at 11:53 pm
It would explain a great deal, wouldn’t it…
December 24th, 2012 at 11:46 pm
A woman, OBviously!!
December 24th, 2012 at 11:54 pm
It’s definitely one of the possibilities!
December 25th, 2012 at 1:26 am
Whatever man or woman, Santa is the most kind-hearted, cos’z it brings hopes to each other.
December 25th, 2012 at 1:42 am
Certainly he, she (or it) brings many smiles to us all! It’s so sad that his, her (or its) spirit has been so lost to commercialism at Christmas, don’t you think?
December 25th, 2012 at 1:45 am
Anyway, always see the bright side, let life to be easier and happier, right?
December 25th, 2012 at 2:56 am
Always!!
December 25th, 2012 at 3:37 am
Now spending Christmas in Turkey. This is where Saint Nicholas came from {when it was Greece of course, that is why he is the patron saint of Greece). However I have been unable to buy mince pies, Christmas pudding or any other xmas stuff. I got a Turkey eventually but only after confusion over me apparently offering to buy a country. Turkey in Turkey is Hindi and Hindi is not in Delhi. And then I wake up on Christmas day to find on this very day TurkTelecom had cut off my WIFI because I had not paid a bill I that came in 4 days ago and I missed it. So I went to the bank and paid it – yes the bank was open. Are we sure Santa was a local guy.
December 25th, 2012 at 4:53 am
I’ve heard that if you cook a Turkey in Greece it comes out extra juicy, although I’ve also heard it’s a dangerous technique. Perhaps the people of Greece don’t like all those turkeys being cooked there.
I wonder what they call Brazil Nuts in Brazil? Or Belgium Waffles in Belgium…
(Thanks for dropping by and commenting. Merry Christmas!)
December 31st, 2012 at 8:04 am
I love your comments to others! Great word plays!
December 31st, 2012 at 12:54 pm
Thank you! (Sometimes the comments are more fun than the posts!)
Have a wonderful New Year, R! I hope your dating adventures just get better and better!
December 25th, 2012 at 6:13 am
very funny post. You are right santa can be whatever we think.
December 25th, 2012 at 1:43 pm
Thank you!
December 25th, 2012 at 8:07 am
LOL, I think it would be nice if santa is a young lady.
December 25th, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Works for me!
December 25th, 2012 at 12:00 pm
Your worst blogging fear realized – congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
December 25th, 2012 at 1:45 pm
Hey, Hi! Good to see ya, thanks for dropping by—it’s gotten to be kind of a crowded party… just sit anywhere you can!
December 31st, 2012 at 8:05 am
I am not always aware of who is freshly pressed and glad to know a well deserved honor is yours!
December 31st, 2012 at 12:54 pm
Thank you kindly!!
December 25th, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Woenarik lebih menarik..
salam http://6menit.blogspot.com
December 25th, 2012 at 5:13 pm
Hello! I’m not sure what you said. Best Google Translate can do is, “Attract more interesting.”
But Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or Blessed Solstice or whatever works for you!
December 29th, 2012 at 1:10 am
sorry i use slang, the point I admire your posts.
December 29th, 2012 at 1:19 am
No problemo, and thank you! Happy New Year and a Convivial Chillaxmas!!
December 25th, 2012 at 4:46 pm
This made me laugh hysterically! Brilliant post!
December 25th, 2012 at 5:15 pm
Hysterical laughter is an acceptable, even desired, effect. If you experience blurred vision or dizziness, please consult your physician.
(Thanks for dropping by and commenting! Have a very Merry Christmas!!)
December 25th, 2012 at 5:20 pm
I was prepared to argue that Santa’s all woman… but that last bit caught me off guard. There’s a little Santa in all of us, and s/he defies reality. Excellent case! Your reward: Freshly Pressed.
December 25th, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Well, thank you for dropping by and commenting!
Yes, indeed! If the joy of giving a gift touches you, then you have a bit of Santa in you.
December 25th, 2012 at 6:15 pm
Santa is a man, past his prime, not interested in women and without access to Viagra. He’s not interested in men either. But he still knows a thing or two about chimneys, and Freud was very, very specific about their meaning ) All men have a bit of Santa in them, and all women love to think of at least some men as having a bit of Santa in them )
December 25th, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Hmmm… old man, past his prime, excessive interest in children, particularly their “naughty” and “nice” behaviors, gives them “free” gifts, seems oddly aware of what they’re doing…
Gadzooks! We may need to give this Santa fellow a closer look!
December 25th, 2012 at 6:49 pm
You make a compelling case that Santa is a woman. I beg to differ, however. I believe Santa is a man. He is “Father Christmas” and he functions almost solely as a figurehead. The elves do all the toy preparation. Mrs. Claus collects and organizes the list (sent in by Santa-look-a-likes from malls around the world. The reindeer (now guided my GPS) do the driving. All Santa has to do is a little heavy lifting and some sifting of magic dust to get in and out of chimneys (or keyholes). In return, he gets more cookies and milk in a night than any man should eat in a lifetime and then 364 days of vacation to get fatter than he already is.
December 25th, 2012 at 7:01 pm
As your host and moderator, I’d hoped to present a compelling case both ways! Naturally, as host and moderator, I remain largely neutral, although as I indicated I lean towards an answer that includes “yes,” “no,” and “both.” I suspect there’s something quantum involved, so you find what you seek (look for a wave, find a wave; look for a particle, find a particle).
That said, you do make a very good case for the male version of the collapsed wave state. And perhaps having so fixed Santa’s quantum state, that’s what we’ve got now. In the next universe over, Santa looks like Angela Lansbury.
You raise another important point! Whatever Santa is, lactose-intolerance would be a real issue!
December 26th, 2012 at 1:10 am
Hahaha. I think Santa might be a woman too! Your theory has convinced me
December 26th, 2012 at 1:53 am
It’s definitely worth considering!
December 26th, 2012 at 4:32 am
I vote for a man!
December 26th, 2012 at 9:46 am
Because?
December 26th, 2012 at 10:51 am
Behind every great man there’s a woman with a lawyer
December 26th, 2012 at 11:09 am
Behind which stands another woman and another lawyer (behind which stands…)!
OMG: It’s lawyers and women all the way down!
December 26th, 2012 at 6:19 am
I like it! Taking both sides to task!
There is a Mrs. Santa for a reason!
December 26th, 2012 at 9:47 am
Yep, I’m an equal opportunity task-taking kinda guy! Glad you liked it, thanks for stopping by!
December 26th, 2012 at 7:33 am
What a funny, funny post! Thanks for sharing! As a woman, I think I’m a bit bias, tending to agree that Santa, could very well be another woman… love the ‘commitment’ part regarding men… so true!
I’ll be sharing it with my readers, linking to your original piece! Have a great holiday season, and happy new year, from La Paz, Bolivia! 
December 26th, 2012 at 9:50 am
Well,.. some of us guys can make a commitment, but I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for dropping by and commenting. A very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!!
December 26th, 2012 at 9:53 am
Thank you for letting me share it! Just reblogged it. Thought it was really funny, and at the end, it’s up to the reader to decide… if Santa is a man… or a woman! Pros & cons for both sides… I’m pretty sure I’m the Santa for our household… my great husband is great… but not very Santa-like when it comes to the holiday season! I’m always on my own… no hard feelings, got used to!
Happy Holidays!
December 26th, 2012 at 9:59 am
Aw, I’m sorry to hear that!
Husbands should definitely get into the act; shopping for kids is part of the fun of Christmas!
December 26th, 2012 at 10:04 am
No, don’t get me wrong… he’s a good guy… just not the shopping/panning/gift-wrapping type… but if i gave him a list of chores, very detailed, he’ll commit and do it!
Well-trained husbands are the best! 
December 26th, 2012 at 10:20 am
Ah, there ya go! That’s probably why I’m still single — utterly untrainable!
December 26th, 2012 at 10:25 am
December 26th, 2012 at 7:34 am
Reblogged this on 3rdculturechildren and commented:
A bit of healthy humor, post-Christmas!
December 26th, 2012 at 9:50 am
I hope your readers enjoy it!
December 26th, 2012 at 9:54 am
I’m sure they’ll! and btw, congrats on being FP! Should’ve been the first thing I should’ve written here!
December 26th, 2012 at 10:00 am
Well, thank you! I’ve had such a quiet little blog up until now!
December 26th, 2012 at 3:13 pm
December 26th, 2012 at 7:39 am
Congratulations for a wonderful blog.
I shared the link and an excerpt on fropper.com
December 26th, 2012 at 10:03 am
Thank you very much. I dropped by your blog, and you look like you’re on to something interesting. Good luck, and thanks for stopping by!!
December 27th, 2012 at 12:30 am
Thanks for the visit.
Its all swantah sukhai – its sanskrit meaning for my own pleasure.
December 27th, 2012 at 1:54 am
Bravo!! I think creating to fulfill your own heart is the purest and most satisfying form of art!
December 26th, 2012 at 7:57 am
[...] Reblogged from Logos con carne: [...]
December 26th, 2012 at 8:34 am
Very nice, really enjoyed that. I’d wager. A woman Santa is very appealing, and a great reason to stay awake all night nursing a gin & tonic.
December 26th, 2012 at 9:51 am
Glad you liked it! Maybe leave out chips, salsa and margaritas rather than cookies and milk?
December 26th, 2012 at 11:56 am
I feel like I discovered your blog just in time. I keep having random Santa sightings (on bicycles, at convenience stores… in fire trucks… Love the content! Keep it coming.
December 26th, 2012 at 12:08 pm
The ones that look like Elvis are the genuine article. The others are just minions, letter-gatherers, Santa Spies® or, in some cases, outright imposters (sad, but it happens).
Glad you like the place; hope you continue to enjoy it!
December 26th, 2012 at 12:10 pm
Gotcha! What are your thoughts on the ones who resemble Andy Kaufman?
December 26th, 2012 at 12:17 pm
Oh, I would give those a wide berth. They might want to wrestle with you! You never know quite where you are with a Kaufman Santa! (You’re actually probably better off with a Bad Santa.)
December 26th, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Hahaha!
Yeah, not sure who scares me more… the Kaufman or Tony Clifton “Santa.” Love where this convo is going…
December 26th, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Oh, good heavens! Tony Clifton Santas need to be shot on sight! (Andy Kaufman + Ron Jeremy = Tony Clifton!)
Yeah, stop being interesting; I have stuff to do.
December 26th, 2012 at 1:06 pm
this topic deserves to be it’s own blog, don’t you think?
December 26th, 2012 at 1:11 pm
What, Santas? Oh, definitely! [he said with a straight face]
December 26th, 2012 at 12:53 pm
if this santa claus like what we know really existed (i mean, including the reindeers and really gives presents through chimneys, he/she (doesn’t matter at all) should be a real genius – especially excelling both man and woman’s job. i envy him/her then, i swear! i enjoyed your post. hilarious yet makes sense too!
December 26th, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed Trip Gal! I’m honored you dropped by during your world-wide travels!
Indeed, you are correct: Santa is magical… or maybe quantum! (Did you see the article: Santa Claus: Fact or Fiction? It explores this very topic!)
December 26th, 2012 at 1:05 pm
oooh i haven’t. but i will check it out. thx for the recommendation. i like things behind santa claus. he’s fictional, but not totally a fiction. he’s real, but doesn’t seem so real either. hmmm…a very mysterious world christmas icon (after baby Jesus)
December 26th, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Oh, Santa is as real as the rules of baseball. Santa is as real—and found in—the parent who sneaks presents under the tree, because “Santa was here!” Santa is as real as the joy you feel when you give a loved one the perfect gift and see the look on their face.
Santa Claus, Superman, Micky Mouse… as icons recognized around the world go, he’s in pretty good company!
December 26th, 2012 at 2:11 pm
So mans don’t ware red and don’t like many things never thought about this. Now next option is woman. Don’t thing so because they cant drive sled with few deers. My final suggestion is ( please little boys&girls do not read this) Santa is gæy?
December 26th, 2012 at 3:05 pm
Ha! Well, if so, he’s definitely a Bear!
December 26th, 2012 at 3:11 pm
This was a fun read!
I personally think there is more than one Santa. Some male, some female. You know to balance it out.
December 26th, 2012 at 3:26 pm
I’m glad you enjoyed it! Gandhi said there are as many religions as there are people. I say there are as many Santas as there are people. (At least gift-giving people! The Good Ones… Santa, after all, does mean saint!)
December 26th, 2012 at 4:17 pm
Good point! :D.
December 27th, 2012 at 2:20 am
hahaha i think a woman
December 27th, 2012 at 9:47 am
You’ve decided! Can you say what made you pick woman? I can’t decide between man, woman, quantum wizard, large magical elf or jolly alien from another galaxy!
December 27th, 2012 at 10:19 am
haha i guess it goes back to being a little girl saying girls rule boys drool! only a woman could pull it off, make a clever disguise and naughty or nice lists, plus men wouldn’t know how to buy anything on sale!
December 27th, 2012 at 10:51 am
There ya go; well-reasoned! Perhaps next year, I’ll have you and ThePoliticalNipper do opposing guest posts!
(Indeed girls may rule, but they drool, too! I’ve seem them! I know for a fact that you lady people snore and perspire, too! :lol:)
December 27th, 2012 at 4:28 am
I love it! And Santa’s hat? Really?! Great take on things. answerswithin.wordpress.com
December 27th, 2012 at 9:51 am
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for dropping by and commenting! (“Answers Within” sounds intriguing; I’ll drop by when I can!)
December 27th, 2012 at 5:51 am
Even bringing up the thought that Santa is a woman is pure heresy! I’ve even seen him myself! Santa is a man, end of story! How would he otherwise have a beard? Saying that he’s a woman based on modern day behaviour is not enough! What if he’s a feminine man? What if his manliness is not based on todays manliness as he has lived for hundreds and hundreds of years? And one other thing, Santa is no normal being – therefore you cannot simply compare his manliness with a normal mans manliness!
December 27th, 2012 at 10:28 am
Well, now, the beard could be fake, and some women do have beards (especially if we’re not limited to modern standards of hairlessness!). I referenced George Sand and Mulan for a reason! There could well be a well-oiled Santa Conspiracy in play here. Either that old guy image is pure propaganda—some actor they hired—or the old guy lives with her as a front. The beard symbolizes that he is literally a beard for the whole (militant feminist) operation. (Of course, by “militant feminist” I mean moms, who can be one of the most dangerous forces on the planet, especially when it comes to their young.)
Given the possibility of behind-the-scenes machinations, I’m not sure we can draw any definite conclusions just yet. Man, woman, Illuminati, Knights Templar,… what are expeditions to the North Pole covering up? What did they really find up there?
December 27th, 2012 at 11:59 am
HE….HE’S BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY ARE YOU EATING HIM? AND…AND HE GAVES ME COAL FOR CHRISTMAS!!!! NOT VERRY NICE OF MISTER GRIMBELS!!!
- Ivy
December 27th, 2012 at 1:11 pm
Indoor voices, please!
I agree; he’s both!!! (Don’t you think that’s tasty?) And you know,… if he gives you coal, you must have been very, very naughty.
December 28th, 2012 at 7:48 pm
All I did was whack Holly hard on har hed with a spicked club!!! I didn’t desarve a lump off cole!
- Ivy
December 28th, 2012 at 10:19 pm
Apparently Santa slaw it differently…
December 29th, 2012 at 5:31 pm
I love coleslaw when it is mixed with stake and snapple.
- Ivy
December 29th, 2012 at 8:35 pm
Well, of course! The stake adds fiber, and the snapple makes it juicy.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:00 pm
REEEEEEEEEEE!!!! reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! you shud hear me on the guiotine fixing my toylets pluming as i naw on a salt lik wile throwing devices at my horse stump.
- Ivy and the Uvula Corps
December 30th, 2012 at 12:29 am
Tch, now yer jist doodlin’ in the margins. At this table stochastic chatter isn’t a win.
December 30th, 2012 at 11:17 am
Wat?
- Ivy
December 30th, 2012 at 3:58 pm
Yes! Wot, indeed!!
December 30th, 2012 at 4:22 pm
HAWAIN ROLER COASTER RIDE! WHEEEEEEEE!
- Ivy
December 30th, 2012 at 4:45 pm
A wiki wiki mai lohi lohi
Lawe mai i ko papa he’e nalu…
January 1st, 2013 at 11:13 am
- falls off the hawaiian roller coaster ride – my booboos give me headphone leverage! WHAAAAAAAAAAA!
- ivy
January 1st, 2013 at 1:25 pm
‘K, W!! (Party’s moving next door to 2013.)
January 1st, 2013 at 3:25 pm
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY 2198!
= Ivy
January 2nd, 2013 at 9:24 am
To you as well! Enjoy the waves!
January 2nd, 2013 at 11:11 am
-Ivy
December 27th, 2012 at 1:46 pm
What do I spot there? A huuuuuge feather in your cap!
December 27th, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Is that what’s tickling the back of my neck? My ego is so swollen right now I can’t see out of my eyes….
You survived Christmas! And the End of the World!
December 27th, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Reblogged this on cftc10.
December 28th, 2012 at 4:39 am
Your post was humorous and a fresh breath of air among other Christmas-related entries, thanks for sharing!
- Jonathan I styleoverstress.wordpress.com
December 28th, 2012 at 9:59 am
I’m glad you enjoyed it; thanks for stopping by and commenting! I do try to keep my tongue firmly inserted in cheek!
December 28th, 2012 at 8:44 am
“Still in the bag.” Spot on.
December 28th, 2012 at 11:49 am
Alas, some of us were poorly trained in childhood (or maybe weren’t listening at the time).
Thanks for dropping by and commenting! Have a Happy New Year!!
December 28th, 2012 at 10:26 am
Hello. I would love you to feature on my blog http://www.5thingstodotoday.com. Please have a look at it and if you contribute your five things I will give a link back to your excellent blog. Many Thanks. David
December 28th, 2012 at 11:54 am
Intriguing idea!! I liked your post today! Let me think on this and see if I can come up with five things that aren’t old hat!
December 28th, 2012 at 9:20 pm
Fantastic! Comical and thought-provoking at the same time!
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! A great read!
December 28th, 2012 at 10:18 pm
Thank you; I’m glad you enjoyed it! Convivial Chillaxmas!!
December 29th, 2012 at 5:46 am
Happy New Year and a big hug.
December 29th, 2012 at 10:08 am
Well, thank you very muchly. Ms Margaret! A delightful and Convivial Chillaxmas to you, and may the new year bring you much wonder and joy.
December 29th, 2012 at 7:24 am
Great post … Funny and enjoyable to read!
December 29th, 2012 at 10:12 am
I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for dropping by and commenting. Have a frabjabulous and Convivial Chillaxmas!!
December 29th, 2012 at 9:49 am
Oh wow… Santa being a woman is a shining example of newwwer thinkings… A surprising thought…
Anyway, I would like to stick with “Santa is a man” theory, not only because I love this notion, but also because he is “Father” Christmas
Wise post, thanks… And merry Christmas too.
December 29th, 2012 at 10:36 am
Ah,… or is it an example of ancient thinking, an echo harkening back to the days of matriarchy?
But to each their own, that’s the beauty of the thing. If you want a Father Christmas, then Father Christmas it shall be! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! (And a joyful and Convivial Chillaxmas to you, as well!)
December 31st, 2012 at 2:50 am
Thanks for the generous reply…
Yeah… Santa can be what the believers want him (or ‘her’ :-)) to be, what the believers are comfortable with.
Anyway, your post might prompt Santa to leave the toy factory for one day and appear into the world’s mainstream… Haha…
One question from my side (just want to know your idea) – Is there a Santa Claus?
December 31st, 2012 at 12:21 pm
You’re quite welcome! You never know when it comes to Santa. I’d be happy to have him (or her (heck, or it)) as a guest blogger. Come on down Santa! ! We’d love to see ya. I bet you get lots of Likes!
But all seriousness aside, to answer your question: there may not be be some person living at the top of the world keeping lists about boys’ and girls’ behavior (which still seems a little on the creepy side, actually) and giving away free gifts. (If this guy was your neighbor, you’d probably find him very scary. There’s that whole, “Come sit in my lap, little kid,” thing.)
So no. Santa is made up. The whole thing is only as real as our imagination. Only as real as the rules of baseball (or cricket). Only as real as Justice or Love.
So yes. Santa is real.
December 31st, 2012 at 6:19 am
Thanks for the generous reply. Yeah, Santa can be whatever his believers want him (oops… or ‘her’ :-)) to be, what the believers are comfortable with…
Anyway, your post might tempt Santa to leave the toy factory for one day and show up in public at last… Hahaha.
Want to ask a question (just to know your idea) – Is there a Santa Claus?
December 31st, 2012 at 6:43 am
It is now safe to say publicly what we always assumed, knew to be true; Santa Claus is a cross dressing job creator in need of a tax cut and a summer house. Santa Claus, is Rudy Giuliani.
December 31st, 2012 at 12:42 pm
You know… it’s amazing how well that theory fits the facts…
December 31st, 2012 at 12:38 pm
Whoa… I’m having a déjà vu moment here…
December 29th, 2012 at 11:02 am
This was delightful and made me smile which I very much needed this morning. I love the photos too
December 29th, 2012 at 11:09 am
I’m glad to provide in your hour of need! Have a Happy New Year and a magnificently Convivial Chillaxmas!
December 29th, 2012 at 11:05 pm
Interesting question….Interesting explanations… Loved reading this…
U hv framed this so beautifully… “Awesome” is the word 2 summarise wat u wrote..
N s fr the discussion… I wud say… “Santa” is GOD’s messanger… n He/She is not just a unique identity… but within all of us… to crop within us the true meaning of festival, the true happiness of gifting.. to spread the joyful environment of celebrations..
Hope u gave n u got lots of gifts this Christmas…keep the Santa within u alive..!!
Here r my views on gifting…hope u vil lik thm..
http://akanksharastogi.wordpress.com/2012/12/03/joy-of-giving/
December 30th, 2012 at 12:31 am
Well, thank you very much; I’m glad you enjoyed it. I think we’re on the same wavelength here: Santa = joy of giving.
December 30th, 2012 at 1:45 am
yup… so true
December 30th, 2012 at 4:49 am
Interesting holiday post… Congratulations for being Freshly Pressed! But why is there the phrase “We’re not turning Japanese” in the last paragraph?
December 30th, 2012 at 8:16 am
Thank you and thank you! And thanks for your question: The line references a pop tune that came out in the early 80s. The tune is called “Turning Japanese.”
January 1st, 2013 at 9:25 pm
Oh I see… You’re welcome, and happy belated new year anyway :D!
January 2nd, 2013 at 9:34 am
Amazing the things you learn in the blogsphere, eh? You have a wonderfully Happy New Year as well!
December 30th, 2012 at 12:00 pm
I loved both versions! Very funny. Santa definitely is quantum.
December 30th, 2012 at 4:02 pm
I know, right? Glad you enjoyed it!
December 30th, 2012 at 4:24 pm
Reblogged this on SKY ENTERTAINMENT NETWORK and commented:
Lovely piece. thumbs up!
December 30th, 2012 at 4:41 pm
I’m glad you like it, thank you!
December 30th, 2012 at 6:39 pm
I agree with this article very much. In my opinion, As a woman, I think women cannot commit to delivering presents all over the world because we do get moody and we don’t wanna smell like reindeer and funky out doors when we get back to the north pole. Hahahahaha
December 30th, 2012 at 7:43 pm
So it’s man’s work, is what you’re saying!
December 31st, 2012 at 6:28 am
Well a man and a woman can be hard working but it depends it we have a big heart like Santa Claus to do it.
December 31st, 2012 at 12:41 pm
Indeed! And no worries; we manly men love reindeer and the funky outdoors. So teamwork is the key! We’ll do the outside stuff; you do the inside stuff. Deal?
January 1st, 2013 at 7:28 pm
You have got yourself a deal! haha
January 2nd, 2013 at 9:33 am
[virtual handshake]
Have an incredibly Happy New Year!!
December 31st, 2012 at 2:29 am
Santa is actually a reindeer
December 31st, 2012 at 11:57 am
So,… all those pictures and paintings are part of some huge Santa Conspiracy? Whoa!!
December 31st, 2012 at 2:36 am
I loved you blog! Especially the ‘Santa is a woman’ part. Happy New Year! xx
December 31st, 2012 at 12:03 pm
I’m glad you enjoyed it; thanks for commenting! Have a very Happy New Year yourself!
December 31st, 2012 at 9:23 am
Reblogged this on Don Grisley salt lake City Utah.
December 31st, 2012 at 1:03 pm
Very kind, thank you!
December 31st, 2012 at 9:42 am
Reblogged this on iamhappie and commented:
Santa , for surely an old man with heavy white beard . Nope , Santa is a she, stop being racist.
TRUE STORY.
December 31st, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Thanks!
(I’m still betting on the quantum superposition of both man, woman and all phases and possibility between.)
December 31st, 2012 at 1:00 pm
I absolutely enjoyed reading this. So fresh, creative, funny and interesting. Well done!!!
December 31st, 2012 at 1:08 pm
I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Have a Happy New Year!!
December 31st, 2012 at 7:14 pm
Santa is a mutant. Check out my art
December 31st, 2012 at 7:18 pm
Are you saying Santa is an alien banana?
January 1st, 2013 at 10:52 am
Reblogged this on Oyia Brown.
January 1st, 2013 at 10:54 am
You’re too kind, thank you!
January 2nd, 2013 at 10:18 am
What a great post! I’ve never thought of Christmas on a quantum level before :p I just covered the history of Christmas at http://redwallaus.com/2013/01/02/christmas/
January 2nd, 2013 at 10:38 am
Ah, but haven’t you heard? Everything is quantum these days! Glad you enjoyed the post; thanks for dropping by and commenting.
(If you liked the quantum, you might like the post before this: Santa Claus: Fact or Fiction? It’s an examination of the physics required to implement Santa.)
January 6th, 2013 at 6:51 am
This is a very clever and funny post. Loved it!
One question though…
Does anyone else get the urge to search for Waldo (Wally) when they see those last two pictures??
January 6th, 2013 at 12:25 pm
I’m glad you liked it; thanks for dropping by and commenting!
And if you look very closely… (might take a magnifying glass)… you just might see… some really blurry red pixels!
January 7th, 2013 at 1:45 am
You know, you’re right! Wow, who knew?!
January 7th, 2013 at 11:03 am
I’ve had a chance to examine other (unrelated) photos and was stunned to discover so-called “blurry red pixels” in very one! I’m not sure of the implications of this, but I’m guessing there are dark and eldritch powers behind it!
January 7th, 2013 at 11:18 am
I bet it’s the same powers that steal our socks out of the driers! It’s a “Gas Light” conspiracy I’m sure of it. O_o
January 7th, 2013 at 11:50 am
I always thought socks escaped to the Sock Dimension to live happy, free lives, and to think that they, too, could be mere pawns in some galactic game intended to drive us crazy…. well, that’s just horrible!
I will say that if the Universe is trying to Gaslight me…. it’s doing a very good job! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha….
Well played, Universe!! Well played.
January 8th, 2013 at 3:57 am
It is a sneaky SOB to say the least. We must get the word out to others. Warn them to protect their socks and watch out for fuzzy pickles! The truth must be known!
January 8th, 2013 at 9:43 am
We’ll have to be careful lest it smite us, but (just between you and me, shhhhhh) this here is a secret, underground guerrilla blog dedicated to overthrowing The Universe and its regime of forcibly imposed “Physical Laws.” I never voted for any of those laws, did you? Not everyone thinks the Law of Gravity is a fair law!
I don’t even like pickles after you shave them!
January 8th, 2013 at 10:57 am
Don’t worry I can keep a secret. Hell I still haven’t spilled the beans on Dr Who’s real name yet!
As to the “Laws”. I think they slipped them in when they polled whether I wanted white or chocolate milk with my school lunch as a kid.
The Law of Gravity isn’t a fair law. Anything that tries to pin me down I question.
As to shaved pickles…*shivers*
January 8th, 2013 at 11:44 am
Hey, you started it with the pickles! (In addition to cooked fruit, also can’t abide anything pickled.)
Is that what that checkbox was! White or Chocolate Milk. Physical Laws of Time and Space. Pizza or Mac & Cheese… Dammit. I meant to vote independent on that one.
I know, right? Gravity puts strict limits on stuff like jumping and falling, and it totally interferes with the whole “leaping tall buildings in a single bound” thing. Next thing you know they’ll try to impose some sort of waiting period or something…
You know Doctor Who’s real name?!?! That. Is. Awesome!! Hey, wait a minute,…. no you don’t…. you can’t fool me! (Nice try, though.)
January 8th, 2013 at 10:42 pm
I don’t start anything. I merely implant an idea and people run with it.
Yea, they sneaky that way. Physics Law of Time and Space wasn’t some new fangled expanding sough dough bread? Tricky, tricky.
Actually the speed limit on light is also in question. Just take string theory, or the idea that light filters differently in different parts of the universe. Another limit I never liked.
Warp drive is theoretically possible with the use of zero point energy. So even that has had some of it limits lifted, just not in the way we thought it would.
Doctor Who is a smart one. One day I’m going to dope him up with Ginger Ale and Vodka. He’ll give me what I want one way or another.
January 9th, 2013 at 8:38 am
Yeah, the problem with both C (light limit) and warp drive is you have to find away around the problem that FTL would appear to allow you to violate causality. It’s not like breaking the sound barrier. We always knew that was possible (the tip of a whip does it, hence the crack sound). Accomplishing it was just an engineering problem.
Problem with C is that the universe appears seems to claim it can’t be broken, and Einstein’s Relativity theory is one of the most precisely tested theories in science. Been checked to a ridiculous number of decimal points, and it’s been perfect every time.
But [snicker], the other most precisely tested theory in science, quantum physics, disagrees with Relativity, so… one of them has to be, at least, incomplete, if not flat out wrong.
But we can’t figure out where!! We really need Doctor Who!!
January 14th, 2013 at 12:39 am
Spock and Data wouldn’t hurt either.
I figure in 500 years time (given that mankind is actually still around) most of the so called ‘laws’ of science we have now will be stripped clean and rewritten.
January 14th, 2013 at 11:33 am
I always have a little trouble when the conversation gets to this point. The social creature gets your point, basically agrees and knows the smart (social) thing is to just nod and agree. The scientist (and possible mild OCD sufferer) wants to point out that the laws aren’t stripped clean so much as extended. The scientist in me thinks it’s important that people understand that, for example, Newton was right… but only in what turns out to be a specific context (i.e. down here on Earth). Einstein didn’t undo Newton; he extended him.
But then you probably understand that anyway, and I should have just nodded.
January 15th, 2013 at 5:04 am
Lol, yeah I get it, and yes you could have nodded, but there is no need to. I love debate and hearing another’s opinion, even if I agree with it. It’s sometimes good to know you are not the only one who sees things that way.
January 15th, 2013 at 9:32 am
Very true! (And people who are passionate about science can get really picky sometimes!)
January 16th, 2013 at 10:57 am
Or those who are perfectionist. Like me.
January 16th, 2013 at 11:12 am
Just imagine what it’s like being both passionate about science and a perfectionist!
January 18th, 2013 at 1:20 am
Already half way there.
January 18th, 2013 at 10:33 am
Sounds like!
January 19th, 2013 at 7:00 pm
I am a little behind in noticing you on Fresh Pressed, and of course while skimming your great amount of replies, I see mine and see the one about being on FP AHEAD OF IT!! But honestly, I was looking over FP and was happy to see your blog! Belated Congrats,!!
January 20th, 2013 at 9:28 am
Well thank you, again, then!
January 23rd, 2013 at 12:53 am
Santa Claus is man. I met him once and I’m pretty sure.
January 23rd, 2013 at 8:28 am
[gasp] Are you saying you’ve seen Santa naked?!
January 23rd, 2013 at 8:54 am
I wished I’d written this. On the other hand, I got to enjoy it without all the work, so I’m glad you wrote it.
I haven’t been paying much attention to the Freshly Pressed page lately, and never noticed. But congratulations!
January 23rd, 2013 at 9:34 am
Thanks! It got to be a bit of a party for a while there, but things have been dying down to their previous low rates. My stats bars were going really high there for a while.
I wish I’d written it, too! (I did write the intro.) If you go back a post, you’ll see that many of those Christmas posts were dumps of old text files I’ve been hauling around forever. (Fortunately, text files are fairly easy to pack and don’t take up much space.)