Tag Archives: funny

Live From…

I am not a fan of the trend of sports or news casters set up in a public place with a background of passersby. I think they’re noisy, distracting, and gimmicky. They also tend to bring out ape-like behavior on those in the background. Both CNN and MSNBC have done this for major campaign events, in particular the debates.

Onlookers have used the ability to “get on TV” to display various signs advertising their political or social views. During the third debate, at UNLV, I got a kick out of a sign someone had made about “Daef people”…

deaf-1

I wasn’t sure who “Daef people” were, but apparently they need equal access (to something; couldn’t tell at this point).

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Obviously, the sign maker meant deaf people, and as someone born with a serious hearing deficit (and who is progressively becoming deaf in my older age), I certainly sympathize with the cause.

But I am going to mock someone who apparently cares a great deal about an issue, but [a] not their spelling of the key word of that issue, or [2] their own precision in putting forth their point.

If you can’t even spell the key word of your issue, why should I take you seriously?

Apparently someone clued them in at some point, and they tried to correct the sign:

deaf-2

And now we can sort of see what deaf people need access to: Jobs.

I guess they ran out of ink in their Sharpie to fill in the lower words or do a good correction to the all-important key word.

Why am I picking on someone trying to make a good point (and a point I support)?

Cause [1] I’m an asshole (never denied that), and [b] I’m so god-damned sick and tired of living in a world filled with wall-to-wall fuckups and half-assary. How is it even possible for someone to misspell the central word of their whole deal?

Gives us daef people a bad name, it does. (One might think that text would be all the more cherished by those who can’t hear speech.)

Note to everyone: Check your work. Twice.

Especially if you’re going to advertise it on the TV machine.

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Reminds me a bit of an old bathroom wall graffiti joke:

First writer: I like grils!

Second writer: You mean girls!

Third writer: Hey, what about us grils?!

Check your work! Check it twice!

Spelling matters.


The Plan

1In the beginning was the plan. 2And then came the assumptions. 3And the assumptions were without form. 4And the plan was completely without substance. 5And darkness was upon the face of the workers.

6And they spake amongst themselves, saying “It is a crock of shit and it stinketh!” 7And the workers went to the planners and sayeth “It is a pile of dung and none may abide the odor thereof!” 8And the planners went to the supervisors and sayeth unto them “It is a container of excrement and it is very strong such that none may abide by it!” 9And the supervisors went to the managers saying “It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide its strength!” 10And the managers went to the directors and sayeth “It promoteth growth and it is very powerful!” 11And the Vice-President went to the President and sayeth unto him “This powerful new plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of the department!”

12And the President looked upon the plan and saw that it was good.

13And the plan became policy.

Here endeth the lesson!


Trump Fires Self!

fired

I’ll Make Mars Great Again!

In a surprise move today, GOP front-runner The Donald Trump announced his resignation from the presidential race claiming it was all “just a tremendous joke — amazing! I never thought anyone would believe it for a second,… but I pulled it off perfectly, of course.”

Mr. Trump said he would devote his time now to building a Great Wall of Mars, which he said would be “way better than China’s so-called Great Wall; it’ll be tremendous, and it will look amazing!” He claims the Martians will pay for the wall, and that it will make space “great again.”

Two former Republican candidates for the highest office, Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush, told reporters they wished Mr. Trump every success and offered their assistance in hastening his departure for the red planet. Both Floridians said they’d be glad to personally strap him to any of NASA’s larger boosters.

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Comment Section

comment buttonWatching the antics at the GOP debate this past week, I realized something: the Comment Section has won; it’s taken over public discourse. I wrote recently about how the interweb, especially Twitter, has embedded into modern life. Now I realize just how true that is!

Think about this: Republican candidates for one of the highest and most important public offices in the world — the so-called Leader of the Free World — are exchanging third-grade insults about sweating and pant wetting.

Surely fart jokes are just a drop in the polls away.

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Let’s Fool The Pollsters

new ruleNew rule! From now on, if any political pollsters contact you in any way, make up a bunch of crazy stuff to tell them. Give them anything but your genuine opinions. In fact, go for the craziest options they offer!

Maybe if we make their polls so completely worthless they’ll stop and we can stop being subjected to an endless barrage of them every time there’s an election. I mean, have you ever really thought about what value polls have? Does how others vote matter to you?

Whadda ya think? Change Approved?


BB #47: No More Drug Ads!

TV drug adsAfter watching more cable news than is actually mentally healthy, I’ve come to a number of conclusions, the most important of which is this.

If I ran for president (and why not, everyone else is), I would run on a single platform that ignores all other issues (such as ISIS, economic disparity, failing infrastructure, racial conflict, immigration, global warming, or even Zika).

My platform: No More TV Prescription Drug Ads!

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Spider Tech


Be Whiched?

A question for a Monday:

Sam Witch Shop

If Elizabeth Montgomery had owned a Subway franchise, would that make it a Sam Witch Shop?

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From the Far Side

Larson-0Those with a life-long interest in what is now called STEM are almost universally fans of cartoonist Gary Larson. It is almost unheard of to walk into the work space of any science or technology worker and not find a few of Larson’s cartoons posted.

For me, Larson is up there with people like Terry Pratchett as being brilliant observers of the human condition and also brilliant in their ability to express their observations. Some of Larson’s work is just plain funny (really funny), but a lot of it is philosophical and extremely insightful.

For some Friday Fun, I thought I’d show you some of my all-time favorites.

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Darth Fader

I don’t often crack up over internet gags, but when I do I crack up over ones like this:

Darth Fader

As an added bonus, back in June (during their slump) I wrote a little blues tune for my Minnesota Twins…

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