Tag Archives: vanish from the earth spammers

Dear [insert name]…

I will admit: There are times when it would be nice to have a Twitter account just so that I could fire off tiny missive missiles about things that annoy me (or, flip side, delight me, but that happens all too rarely these days).

And by “annoy” I mean: Really. Piss. Me. Off. Another sign of the times is that mere annoyance barely registers anymore. What with that evil orange toad illegally squatting in the Oblong Office, I live mostly in a state of constant rage.

So a brief angry pause from streaming video for some spleen venting…

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The New Normal

crazy-town-exitThe 1991 movie Grand Canyon, which I wrote about recently, in large part is about how insane life has become. In the 25 years since, the insanity has grown. Perhaps most are so focused on just getting through their life, or are so taken up by the distractions and toys of modern living, that they never stop to realize just how really crazy the world has gotten.

I don’t mean the apocalyptic reality presented by TV news, or by the GOP; I mean the sheer insanity of how we go about our business these days, what we accept as “the way things are.”

I mean what we’ve come to accept as normal.

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Spam-Tember

spam-0Those of you who are bloggers, I don’t know how much you look through your Spam Comments list. I delete spam without looking at it too much. But you must go to the list to click the button, so you can’t avoid seeing some of it. Sometimes there’s a new twist on the basic trick: “I’m a real comment! No, really, I am!! Please let me through!!!”

But most of it becomes familiar in a short time. You see the same comments vaguely praising your post without actually saying anything about it. Some of it makes you chuckle a little; some of it makes you despair. It’s a kind of constant background noise.

Then last September it seemed like there was a lot more spam than usual.

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Givers, Talkers & Lurkers

Dung Beetle

The dung beetle, a far more noble form of life than a spammer!

Going to try something a little different. Rather than write a longish comment in response to someone’s blog article or comment, I’m going to write a shortish article on my own blog.  (Well, short for me, anyway.)

Sometimes when writing a long comment, I find myself thinking that what I’d like to say would be better served as an article rather than a typically long-winded comment. There is also that comment sections can be a bit confined space-wise, plus it’s a bit harder to include pictures or do formatting.

Today’s “comment” is actually a long-standing observation about the interweb, but was triggered by the sudden rise in spam Follows and then Michelle’s latest article over on The Green Study.

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Dung Beetles

Let us speak now of a form of life so low and loathsome that, in comparison, the worst person you ever had to spend time with is a saint, a paragon of human virtue and charm. I’m speaking of a form of life that is the biggest waste of human flesh this world has ever seen.

I’m speaking of a form of life so useless, so revolting, that a universe in which just one of these disgusting creatures lives, albeit even on a distant planet beyond the reach of any space ship, is worse than living in a house filled with giant, raving, rabid human-hating scorpions.

I’m speaking of a kind of sub-human so offensive in the face of all that is good and right they should be forced to live their miserable lives wearing cactus-lined underwear while Prometheus‘ Eagle takes a break from his usual duties to come to eat their livers and hearts. (Except, of course, they have no hearts.)

I’m speaking of a critter so despicable that dung beetles, in comparison, appear as cute cuddly puppies. A form of human slime so noxious that living life in a fume of farts would seem the sweetest scent of roses.

I’m speaking of spammers.

(We shall not use that name again here, least we invoke their demonic presence.)

They visit our blogs daily and leave their diseased rat droppings before they vanish into the sewers from which they slunk. They usurp our email addresses and send their foul seeds far and wide, and we get the bounces and blacklists.

Hyenas and vultures have better manners and aspect. Hyenas and vultures serve a purpose. If every spammer vanished from the Earth, the world would be a far better place. And we would rejoice.

As much as my heart burns with hatred for the idiots who drive and cell phone, it is nothing compared to the diamond hard volcanic rage invoked by these useless boils on the ass of humanity.  There is no punishment cruel and unusual enough to serve justice to such as these; no death lingering and mortifying enough; no shame sufficient. They are surely the best possible argument for both abortion and capital punishment.

I’ve long thought we should send in SEAL teams, as we did with that bin Laden fuck. Treat them as terrorists, our deadly enemy and wipe them out. Maybe if we began displaying their heads on pikes and parading their flayed bodies through the streets we might make our point and get the message through.

In case you’re not quite clear on my point, I don’t much care for them.

I’m eternally grateful WordPress manages to siphon them off for us (thank you!). At first I found reading their weak attempts somewhat amusing, but that wore off long ago.

It is somewhat interesting how their tactics evolve as they try to get a finger-hold. Flattery, of a sort, is the usual tactic:

I’m usually to running a blog and i actually respect your content. The article has actually peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your site and hold checking for brand spanking new information.

Uh huh. From your insightful comments I can tell you’ve read my stuff.  This one at least tries a little harder:

Im speechless. This is a superb blog and very enticing too. Great work! Thats not in point of fact so much coming from an amateur publisher like me, however its all I may say after diving into your posts. Nice grammar and vocabulary. No longer like other blogs. You really recognize what you?re speaking approximately too. So much that you just made me want to explore more. Your weblog has grow to be a stepping stone for me, my friend.

Speechless, eh?  If only you were lifeless instead. Not quite sure, but this one may have been sniffing glue on the way to work:

Someone necessarily help to make severely articles I would state. This is the first time I frequented your web page and up to now? I amazed with the research you made to create this particular submit extraordinary. Wonderful job!

Er, thank you? This one seems to be departing, but sadly not permanently:

I simply couldn??t depart your web site prior to suggesting that I really enjoyed the usual information an individual supply in your guests? Is gonna be again frequently in order to investigate cross-check new posts.

Here’s another that almost seems like… no,… no it doesn’t:

What i don’t understood is in reality how you’re no longer actually a lot more neatly-appreciated than you may be right now. You are very intelligent. You already know therefore considerably in terms of this matter, produced me personally consider it from numerous various angles. Its like men and women aren’t involved except it is one thing to do with Girl gaga! Your personal stuffs nice. At all times take care of it up!

Girl gaga, huh? Pretty sure I’ve never written a word about her (P!nk is way cooler anyway). Lately I’ve noticed a new trick; they try to make it look like a trackback:

… [Trackback] …
[…] There you will find 47011 more Infos: logosconcarne.com/(link)/ […]

Nice try, toe jam, but no cigar.  I’ve also noticed a trick where they complain about images, or the whole blog, not loading well and piteously ask if anyone else is having trouble. The comments in these usually don’t contain the hidden links (which WordPress shows us anyway), but the Gravitar links back to their crap. And finally, there’s the interesting trick of not trying to flatter me:

Hello, you used to write excellent, but the last few posts have been kinda boring?K I miss your great writings. Past few posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!

Nice try, scrotum pimple, but no cigar for you either (unless you’d like to try one of my “special” cigars… I know they look like sticks of dynamite, but that’s just branding… they’re a good smoke, really… trust me).

I feel better now, getting the poison out. And I can delete the text file of their “comments” that’s been squatting toad-like on my file system. And best part? I can’t wait to see the flattering “comments” this post gets!

And just in case any of you cockroaches are reading this:

Eat. Shit. And. Die. Mofu!