Dung Beetles

Let us speak now of a form of life so low and loathsome that, in comparison, the worst person you ever had to spend time with is a saint, a paragon of human virtue and charm. I’m speaking of a form of life that is the biggest waste of human flesh this world has ever seen.

I’m speaking of a form of life so useless, so revolting, that a universe in which just one of these disgusting creatures lives, albeit even on a distant planet beyond the reach of any space ship, is worse than living in a house filled with giant, raving, rabid human-hating scorpions.

I’m speaking of a kind of sub-human so offensive in the face of all that is good and right they should be forced to live their miserable lives wearing cactus-lined underwear while Prometheus‘ Eagle takes a break from his usual duties to come to eat their livers and hearts. (Except, of course, they have no hearts.)

I’m speaking of a critter so despicable that dung beetles, in comparison, appear as cute cuddly puppies. A form of human slime so noxious that living life in a fume of farts would seem the sweetest scent of roses.

I’m speaking of spammers.

(We shall not use that name again here, least we invoke their demonic presence.)

They visit our blogs daily and leave their diseased rat droppings before they vanish into the sewers from which they slunk. They usurp our email addresses and send their foul seeds far and wide, and we get the bounces and blacklists.

Hyenas and vultures have better manners and aspect. Hyenas and vultures serve a purpose. If every spammer vanished from the Earth, the world would be a far better place. And we would rejoice.

As much as my heart burns with hatred for the idiots who drive and cell phone, it is nothing compared to the diamond hard volcanic rage invoked by these useless boils on the ass of humanity.  There is no punishment cruel and unusual enough to serve justice to such as these; no death lingering and mortifying enough; no shame sufficient. They are surely the best possible argument for both abortion and capital punishment.

I’ve long thought we should send in SEAL teams, as we did with that bin Laden fuck. Treat them as terrorists, our deadly enemy and wipe them out. Maybe if we began displaying their heads on pikes and parading their flayed bodies through the streets we might make our point and get the message through.

In case you’re not quite clear on my point, I don’t much care for them.

I’m eternally grateful WordPress manages to siphon them off for us (thank you!). At first I found reading their weak attempts somewhat amusing, but that wore off long ago.

It is somewhat interesting how their tactics evolve as they try to get a finger-hold. Flattery, of a sort, is the usual tactic:

I’m usually to running a blog and i actually respect your content. The article has actually peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your site and hold checking for brand spanking new information.

Uh huh. From your insightful comments I can tell you’ve read my stuff.  This one at least tries a little harder:

Im speechless. This is a superb blog and very enticing too. Great work! Thats not in point of fact so much coming from an amateur publisher like me, however its all I may say after diving into your posts. Nice grammar and vocabulary. No longer like other blogs. You really recognize what you?re speaking approximately too. So much that you just made me want to explore more. Your weblog has grow to be a stepping stone for me, my friend.

Speechless, eh?  If only you were lifeless instead. Not quite sure, but this one may have been sniffing glue on the way to work:

Someone necessarily help to make severely articles I would state. This is the first time I frequented your web page and up to now? I amazed with the research you made to create this particular submit extraordinary. Wonderful job!

Er, thank you? This one seems to be departing, but sadly not permanently:

I simply couldn??t depart your web site prior to suggesting that I really enjoyed the usual information an individual supply in your guests? Is gonna be again frequently in order to investigate cross-check new posts.

Here’s another that almost seems like… no,… no it doesn’t:

What i don’t understood is in reality how you’re no longer actually a lot more neatly-appreciated than you may be right now. You are very intelligent. You already know therefore considerably in terms of this matter, produced me personally consider it from numerous various angles. Its like men and women aren’t involved except it is one thing to do with Girl gaga! Your personal stuffs nice. At all times take care of it up!

Girl gaga, huh? Pretty sure I’ve never written a word about her (P!nk is way cooler anyway). Lately I’ve noticed a new trick; they try to make it look like a trackback:

… [Trackback] …
[…] There you will find 47011 more Infos: logosconcarne.com/(link)/ […]

Nice try, toe jam, but no cigar.  I’ve also noticed a trick where they complain about images, or the whole blog, not loading well and piteously ask if anyone else is having trouble. The comments in these usually don’t contain the hidden links (which WordPress shows us anyway), but the Gravitar links back to their crap. And finally, there’s the interesting trick of not trying to flatter me:

Hello, you used to write excellent, but the last few posts have been kinda boring?K I miss your great writings. Past few posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!

Nice try, scrotum pimple, but no cigar for you either (unless you’d like to try one of my “special” cigars… I know they look like sticks of dynamite, but that’s just branding… they’re a good smoke, really… trust me).

I feel better now, getting the poison out. And I can delete the text file of their “comments” that’s been squatting toad-like on my file system. And best part? I can’t wait to see the flattering “comments” this post gets!

And just in case any of you cockroaches are reading this:

Eat. Shit. And. Die. Mofu!

About Wyrd Smythe

The canonical fool on the hill watching the sunset and the rotation of the planet and thinking what he imagines are large thoughts. View all posts by Wyrd Smythe

16 responses to “Dung Beetles

  • It's only P!

    ‘I’m speaking of spammers.’

    Didn’t see that one coming! 🙂 Just deleted six from the folder. The other day there was actually a valid comment in there too. That’s why we still have to check, just like in hotmail’s junk mail. Helluva filter. NOT. It’s why I changed to gmail. Never, ever get spam there. Don’t like how they group all Inbox and Sent related mails though. Can’t win!

    Spammers are lonely little boys, don’t be so harsh on them. *grin*

    1:45 am here, well, on that note of Wyrd-invoked laughter I’ll turn the lights out. Maybe I’ll dream of dung beetles. I helped one get to his feet this morning in the forest path. The faster that horse dung disappears from the path, the better. Good night!

    Muchas gracias por las risas!

    • Wyrd Smythe

      De nada, mi Amiga!

      So far I haven’t seen a legit comment in my Spam folder, but (as you say) I do check. Some have come very close to seeming legit, but when I compare the site name and email name, I become convinced they’re not. (I hope I haven’t deleted anyone who just had really, really REALLY poor command of English!)

      I think these days most (commercial) spam is a business. Trolls, however, definitely lonely little boys!

      You know, I almost hated to involve dung beetles (such useful little critters), let alone puppies, in the same post as spammers. But I needed something most people would find loathsome (mostly just off the name). I’m sure your little beetle was most grateful for the lift!

  • Lady from Manila

    I just have to say: all the pics (except for the cute puppy) up there frightens me. It had been difficult to read the whole post when at the same time my eyes couldn’t help glancing at them. 😦

    Do you still have a problem with spammers? Your number of followers keep on going up. I’m just curious: Are they mostly legitimate bloggers of WP?

    • Wyrd Smythe

      Ah, Marj, such a delicate flower you are! 😀 To borrow a common image from cop shows, I’d probably be that cop at the gruesome, horrific, gory crime scene who’s eating a juicy, dripping pastrami sandwich and wondering why everyone looks a bit “green around the gills.” Can’t say I’ve ever found something too awful to look at… more like fascinating! 😀

      Today I had 44 spam messages, all of which I casually and quickly deleted without review. (I’m not going to go through 44 messages just in case one poor soul got caught accidentally. For a long time, I used to, but never found one, so now I don’t bother.)

      Considering that I have 649 “Followers” and only two or three who ever speak up, to me that means I have two or three Followers and 640+ assholes riding my coat tails. A fair number are obviously commercial interests hoping that a Follow somehow benefits them. Others appear to be new bloggers, many of them OUS, who are Following because … [shrug] who knows. Because they were told to Follow others as a way of getting into blogging? Because they want to learn English? Because they hope others will Follow them?

      I can appreciate that some may Follow and not have much to say, but to mutely Follow someone is kind of an asshole move in my book. At least say, “Hi!” when you Follow, even if you never say another word. (I wish people had to make a comment when they Follow someone. Like if the Follow action required you to enter a reason for the Follow.) I mean, if you’re just unable to comment, what the hell are you doing in the blogsphere anyway? Piss off and read a magazine or something, ya silent gits!

      [Sorry. I’m in a mood today. One of those days where I’m severely underwhelmed by the human race.]

      • Lady from Manila

        😆 😀
        I can’t understand either why your Followers counter keeps on moving forward yet the number of commenters and Likes remain underwhelming.

        Oh, I hope you won’t count me as one of those followers who simply come here for the English. If it were so, I could have settled for many other blogs around. But I guess your style, topics, and the way you relate to your co-bloggers suit me fine; I remain happy and contented here. 🙂

        You’re probably right in regarding me as a delicate flower. Anything creepy bothers me, except for ghosts – which I don’t believe in :-). A delicate flower I am – with this neurotic tendency to get uncomfortable when I make a typo that is left uncorrected. So could you kindly remove the “s” at the end of the word frighten in my comment up there? Please…? I oh so promise to be more careful next time. Thanks. 🙂

        I admit sometimes (just sometimes) your moods discomfit me, but I believe myself a tough lady – which means I’ll be OK. 🙂

        For what it’s worth, I do want you to earn more blogging pals and fans here because you deserve it and they deserve to read this worthwhile blog being authored by a darling blogger. I sincerely mean that.

      • Wyrd Smythe

        As I understand it, WordPress made some change back in August, and that change either (or both) makes it easier to Follow people and/or presents “you might like” blog Follow suggestions. Whatever it was, we’ve all noticed our Follow counts increase since then. I get three or four new Follows a day!

        But no one ever speaks up let alone ever joins in the conversation, so I disdain them. I’m mostly okay with the lurking, but at least say, “Hi!” when you Follow and maybe say why you’re Following.

        And some of them are clearly commercial interests or are otherwise fly-by-night. I had a Follow just the other day, but when I went to the blog, it wasn’t there. (Sometimes the blog name or Gravitar will pique my interest, and I’ll check out my new Follower. Usually I don’t bother.)

        You may be the only real blog fan I’ve gotten in 2+ years. There’s one I picked up early who still chimes in, but most that I’ve picked up along the way have gone on to other blogs or interests (I’ve been here long enough to see blogs come and go). There have been a handful that have shown a large degree of interest and engagement, but they seem to eventually get bored of me. My romantic life often works the same way: extreme excitement and interest on their part followed by eventual rejection. I’ve gotten the impression that, at first, women are amazed that I’m not like other guys (I communicate, I listen, I love and respect women, I know the difference between beige and taupe). But once they discover that I (as do all humans) have my full share of flaws, it seems like it’s all too much somehow. Too much disappointment after so much excitement?

        My fiancee kept calling me the “perfect man.” I kept saying, “You mean perfect for you; I’m not anywhere near perfect!” But she kept asserting that I was, in fact, perfect. Later, for a while, I was the perfect husband. But then she changed her mind and divorced me. Major bummer, but also, “oh, yeah, this again.” That’s why I’ve given up on romance. Just not going to go through that again.

        But I digress. No, I don’t see you as Following to learn English. Your English, as I’ve said before, is quite better than many for whom it’s a native language! You’re very welcome and appreciated here!

        I know my moods are one of my flaws, but I’m increasingly less willing to try to change. I’ve tried to be so many things seeking that magic acceptability, but I’ve never found it. So now I figure that, since I’ll inevitably put people off, I might as well do it being myself. That way, if I do find someone who likes me and can put up with me, it’ll be the real me.

        Our food tastes may differ, but we do share a concern with typos! 😀

      • Wyrd Smythe

        I’m not sure why I should remove the ‘s’… ‘frightens’ is correct.

  • Lady from Manila

    Wyrd, the things that happened to your personal life happened to so many other couples, too. Don’t let it sour your outlook on various wonderful friendly connections you can possibly make with others. Again, life doesn’t have to center on romance and coupling between men and women. Romance has always been overrated because of the unrealistic expectations it requires from either party to remain attached to one another. Some of the loneliest, most miserable people I’ve met are inside a marriage or committed relationship and some of the happiest ones are single. The fact you’re single and free may actually be a blessing you take for granted in your life.

    Honestly, your moods don’t bother me much. It’s when you unconsciously misinterpret a person’s message or differing opinion from yours as lacking enough brainpower (on his or her part) that I start getting a bit apprehensive :-). Other than that, I have no problem with the real you on our blogosphere. I hope you stick around and continue making us your fans happy with your presence.

    • Wyrd Smythe

      I’m actually painfully aware that my tendency to label people as stupid can be a major flaw, but I’ve had several things working against me trying to change. A big one is lack of detailed feedback from people who care enough to help me change. Another is having a strong personality that apparently many aren’t willing to challenge. (But I love a challenge and a good debate! What many don’t realize is that I can be shown I’m wrong, and good opinions by others often do change my mind about something. “Correctness” is a major goal; “getting my way” isn’t.)

      Yet another, I suppose, is being very educated and intelligent, but feeling completely ordinary, which makes me wonder why others aren’t like me and gives me the impression they just aren’t trying. I know pretty exactly who I am and what I believe, because I’ve spent considerable time thinking about it, learning from others and seeking the most correct views possible. That seems to give me something of a “head start” in discussion and debate, and I think some find that intimidating. (I’ve been told frequently that I’m “intimidating”. Me. Little old, stubby, chubby me. [sigh])

      Thing is, when it comes to opinions, if you have one that you’ve thought out and can support, I think you’ll find me hugely accommodating and understanding. We are all entitled to our opinions, but not all opinions are equal. Many are based on misinformation or sloppy thinking or social biases, and they’re not entitled to the same respect given to opinions based on accurate information and rational, objective thinking.

      If a person is unwilling to think about their own opinions, is unwilling to be challenged and to support the reasons for their own opinions, then yes, I’m afraid I do think those are stupid people. That part I’m not willing to change. Stupid opinions are one reason the world is in such rough shape (a prime exhibit “A” being our own Congress these days).

      Really, I love people and their ideas… the problem is they haven’t loved me back very much, and over time it’s made me cynical, bitter and sometimes even hateful. There’s a small part of me thinks that, if you can’t see the value I bring (because I think I’m a pretty interesting person with a lot to offer), then you must be a stupid person. If all you see is my blunt personality and my intolerance for sloppy thinking, then you’re not really seeing me at all.

      No doubt my thinking on all of this is completely full of shit, but I just don’t get people.

      As for relationships… I have my parents’ very successful 70-some years together, and two of my best friends are in (different) long-time, first-time happy marriages. At least half the marriages with which I’m well-acquainted are long-term and successful. People in relationships (even non-ideal ones) live longer and generally have better mental health… That’s an intimidating background for being so painfully single.

      That said, there’s a great deal of truth in what you said, and it’s definitely one possibility. I think I mentioned that, even back in high school, I often visualized my future self as a hermit of sorts, so it may well be that being alone is better for me. I even sometimes wonder if my mind is so broken (I don’t think I’m a psychopath, but I wonder if I’m a sociopath) that it’s just as well I’ve remained single for the sake of everyone else! (Yes, I do doubt my own humanity that much.)

      And very true about romance. The kicker is simply this: There is so much I wish I could share with someone on a daily basis. It’s the lack of an on-going daily dialog with someone that seems to create a huge hole in life. It’s watching a movie alone and having no one to turn to and say, “Did you see that!?!”

      [Dang! I have got to stop writing such long comments here and on other blogs… I spend so much time writing comments that I use up my writing “gas”! Must focus on being more pithy! :D]

    • Wyrd Smythe

      [But then, these conversations help me work things out. They’re all I’ve got, since I lack that daily person-in-my-life presence. I’m glad you put up with me and keep coming back!!]

      • Lady from Manila

        Your long comments are always welcome as I love reading your thoughts and insights. You explained your point very well and I’ve come to understand better now how you feel about the concerns above.
        Judging from your co-bloggers’ comments, I surmise you may simply be unaware of how much you are loved and appreciated by the people you interact with on the blogosphere. I hope you can come up with a post similar to your last comment to me so others will know just how lovable you are.

        Please don’t assume lesser activity here than before signifies people have gotten tired of you. Other external factors get in the way, too. Besides, I’ve already read all your blog posts (except for baseball and the very difficult ones with subject matters I still have to familiarize myself with. I am fond of rereading my fave materials so I’m not totally finished yet, ya know). Although I normally go offline during weekdays except on rare instances when I could, you’re the one who has had longer breaks from blogging, I believe. 🙂

        I’m glad our conversations help you work things out, Wyrd. I am actually honored I’m one of the participants in letting you do that through this medium. That we are good blogging friends means a lot to me.

        Have a grand week, dear pal.

      • Wyrd Smythe

        Heh, heh… I very much doubt “loved and appreciated” is the correct phrase. This past week or two my comments have clearly turned off two bloggers I follow (well, used to follow…I won’t swim in a pool where I’m not welcomed). I think a few might find my stuff “interesting” in one way or another, but I may be too “all over the map” and too strong-flavored for most tastes. Given that blogs that deal in shallow subject matters, or which don’t challenge their readers to be better, attract large and active followings, it’s pretty clear I simply don’t appeal to most. After two+ years, it appears I don’t appeal to hardly anyone.

        Being Fresh Pressed that time, plus a few other “flash in the pan” times that generated more activity than normal, I think those messed with my mind a little. Fact is, I experience the same thing here that I did at work and in life: a major disconnect between the value I think I have and the value others think I have. This is really the crux of my “blogging crisis.” The disconnects at work and in life have eaten at my soul. (Fortunately, the work world is now behind me.) Why should I suffer the exact same thing here when I have the choice to walk away? (Frankly, sometimes I even wonder why I stay in the world.)

        There’s all that one one side versus the desire to create and publish (regardless of the result), and there is my mission to try to leave something of myself behind. To scribble my name and thoughts on the vast wall of the interweb. (That vastness is part of the problem. It’s hard for anyone to get noticed amid the sea of content.) And there’s having fans… or at least one fan… that’s also a gift that pulls me back.

        I think, for me, the trick is to forget about the readers again and just do my thing. It may also help that baseball season is ending. Six months of summer, 162 games of your own team plus any others you choose to watch, and then several weeks of post-season play. A ballgame is anywhere from 3 to 4.5+ hours long (usually about 3 to 3.5), and there is baseball analysis to watch. Add to that trying to keep up with the few shows I do follow, and that’s a lot of TV! I think I’m also starting to get a little bored with all this retirement loafing around… there have been some productive outbursts lately, and they’ve felt good.

        Have a good work-week (and enjoy your day off)!

  • Lady from Manila

    I’ll be back sooner than expected because I’ve got one weekday free – holiday here – Yay! But I better make sure I could mentally digest any of your most recent posts plus the challenging ones I already saved in my files. 🙂
    Take care.

    • Wyrd Smythe

      (Just read your most recent post. Very heartfelt and emotional! Regret can be a terrible burden!!

      I’ve been reading about Existentialism recently (which I’ve incorrectly conflated with Nihilism). A key idea there is that “existence precedes essence.” The fact that you exist is the main fact of your, well, existence. A big part of the philosophy is that you choose your life path. You are not what society says you should be. You are not what others think you should be. You are not what a “woman” or “wife” or “Filipino” or “parent” or “child” or “blogger” should be. You are what you are. Anything else is a false constraint, a social label, we (often incorrectly) accept as reality.

      Most people live according to their lights trying to get through life as best as possible. It’s a balancing act between our own desires and the desires of those we choose to love. Most of us manage to do a pretty shitty job much of the time. Welcome to humanity. It’s the toughest game in town, and there’s no User’s Guide. Very few are self-aware enough to examine their own lives. (People like you and I are, and it can sometimes lead to a hellish existence trying to intentionally manage that balancing act.)

      I like the ideas of Existentialism. A big one is that you can’t blame your birth circumstances, upbringing or society for your actions. Even your own past does not bind your future. No matter what you’ve done previously, you can choose to be different in the future if you want to.

      And keep in mind that it always takes two to tango. Do not accept the full weight of past situations upon your shoulders alone. I was increasingly disconnected from my father over the years for a variety of reasons, but the main thing is that both of our flaws contributed to the situation.

      Expressing your pain is cathartic and helpful. I hope you don’t let it consume you, though!)

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