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Author Archives: Wyrd Smythe
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Sideband #19: LHC
The previous article contains a bit of doggerel I wrote as an informal writing assignment on a current events/blogging site I inhabited for a while a few years back. One of the other regulars sometimes held online “parties” complete with musical playlists (suggested YouTube and other musical links) and multiple, simultaneous conversations. Basically a kick off article followed by a very long, branching tree of comments.
We all had to refresh the article a lot to see the new comments, but it was fun. Especially as the evening wore on and some of us got a bit tipsy. (All from the safety of our homes, I point out. Virtual online parties: no one drives home!)
Anyway, in the course of one such evening, the “poem” below popped out of my mind. The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) at CERN was just beginning its testing, and the “it’ll destroy us all” fervor was at its peak.
In the View of his Car
A few years ago, I spent some time blogging and commenting on another site that wasn’t really a blogging site, per se.
It was supposed to be a news-related site, and all blog posts were meant to be about current events (which could include book and movie reviews among other topics). Naturally long-time users found a lot of latitude in what constituted current events. One of the reasons I dropped off was the poor signal/noise ratio, but the main reason was the sense of restriction imposed by the current events policy.
One of the big regulars was a guy who liked to stage writing exercises for those interested. He would offer a topic and we would all dash off a blog article related to that topic. Below is my contribution to one such exercise. The topic was to write a piece from the point of view of our car. I’m no poet, but I thought this turned out rather well.
Sideband #18: Another Star Dies
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Dough boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Dough boy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects: Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch were all there.
The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Dough boy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
The Bug In The Machine
I’ve been a computer programmer for 33 years. Some of my early work is still stored on punched paper tape! And if this computer programmer has a particular skill, it is probably in the area of debugging.
Those who know me know I suffer from a life-long hearing defect and have, thus, grown up being pretty good at figuring stuff out based on scant evidence. This is precisely one of the required skills for debugging, and let me just say that I’ve gotten very, very good at it over the last 33 years.
But for the first time, I have an actual bug in my machine. An honest-to-god, six-legged thing crawling around in my machine.
Sideband #17: Ready when you are, Mr. DeMille
You may have heard the punchline, “Ready when you are, Mr. DeMille!” Sometimes, around people familiar with the reference, it’s abbreviated to just “Ready when you are!” (In a quote-y kind of voice.)
Of course, it’s dubious this it ever really happened, and it’s not a parable joke — there’s no moral behind it (except maybe don’t count your chickens). Still, it’s a pretty good joke! In fact, it’s one of my favorites, and I’ve used the punchline many times.
For your dancing and dining pleasure, here it is:
Sideband #16: And maybe the horse will sing
The title of this Sideband, “And Maybe the Horse will Sing,” comes from a story supposedly told by the ancient Greek philosopher Herodotus.
This is a parable about hope and possibilities; about never giving up; about how you can never know what might happen even when it seems that all hope is lost.
This is a story of a thief, Nasrudin, who was caught at his thievery, taken off to jail, and by the laws of the land, sentenced to die.
Commercials: #1
I am not a big fan of advertising and marketing. To the extent they provide information that allows people to reasonable decisions about purchasing useful products, I have no problem. Quite the opposite. Of course, a company should let you know what it offers.
But when they try to force unnecessary products on us, that’s a problem. When they use carefully concealed misdirection – sometimes outright lies – to trick us, that’s a problem.
Sideband #15: Funniest moments
An earlier Sideband references the, “These go to eleven,” bit from This is Spinal Tap. As I mentioned, some people I know consider it one of the funniest bits in all of film, but the phrasing I just used should clue you in that it’s not mine.
Make no mistake, I do consider it a classic moment, a very funny moment, and a moment that has become a cultural icon. But it didn’t make me laugh until I hurt too much to laugh anymore.
And that begs the question, “So what are those funniest moments?”
Sideband #14: Harry Potter
Saw the last movie in the Harry Potter series tonight. This isn’t called Movies: Harry Potter, because this isn’t particularly a review or commentary on the movie.
I don’t have much to add to all that’s been said. Liked it a lot; great job; respectful of the source material; exciting battles; thumbs up.
One review suggested it was hard to find anything to complain about. I agree; any complaints would only be nitpicking (not that that can’t be fun sometimes).
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