Movies: Machete

Milla Jovovitch, I’m sorry, I loved you long time, and it’s not over (I’ll keep buying Resident Evil movies as long as you make them), but Michelle Rodriguez just stole your crown in my heart for most beautiful kickass woman in the world. I’m afraid you’re now number two.

Michelle Rogriguez! We’re talking baying-at-the-moon beautiful!  We’re talking bullet in the eye beautiful! I’ve liked her since her appearance as Rain Ocampo in (coincidence alert) the first Resident Evil movie in 2002. This was only two years after her first film, Girlfight in 2000.  Since that time, she’s proven to be a major star (and apparently quite a handful). She’s been in several of the Fast & Furious movies, and many know her from Lost (a series I avoided like the plague—I’m allergic to trendy)

What can I say, I like a woman with some attitude.

I was thinking I’d give the blog a break. I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts. I’ve been feeling old and obsolete and pointless. I’ve been feeling like I no longer fit in the world (not that I ever really did).

Turns out that, for me, writing a blog is a bit like writing music. It’s great to jam and see where the music takes you, but every time I try to write down a tune, it turns to ashes. Even if I’m successful in writing out the notes (MIDI keyboards and software make that pretty easy), somehow the song dies. The caged bird just doesn’t sing anymore.

Something similar seems to happen with writing a blog. The caged words do speak more than the caged notes sing. At least I’m happier with my words than I ever was with my notes. I guess I’m more writer than musician (which on some level breaks my heart). But what was a random joy verges on becoming a responsibility, a weight. Not that I have readers clamoring for more, but once you decide to write a blog, you feel like you have to write a blog.

So I thought I’d give it a miss until the muse moved me. I thought I’d catch up on movies and a few TV shows I’ve ignored for a while.  I was two episodes behind in The Big C as well as on Weeds. (I’m a fan of all the Showtime ‘morally ambiguous women’ shows. I also like Nurse Jackie and United States of Tara. All four star such talented, interesting, attractive women. And the writing, oh my, the writing!)

In any event, I saw that Machete was finally available on OnDemand, and I missed it when it was in the theatre. I do like Robert Rodriguez‘s work. From Dusk till Dawn is a favorite, and the El Mariachi trilogy is a classic (although, for my money, they go downhill from the first just like the Matrix trilogy and so many others).

Machete is a throwback hoot! It’s super, ultra, cartoon violent with an 80s style plot and dialog. It’s set to full-goofy mode. It brings to life what was a fake trailer in the Tarantino/Rodriguez retro movie, Grindhouse.

Machete is also jam-packed with stars all clearly having a blast with their roles. You get: Robert De Niro, Don Johnson, Lindsay Lohan (yes, that’s right), Cheech Marin (of course) and Jeff Fahey.  And it stars Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba and, of course, Michell Rodriguez.

Oh, and Mr. “made one movie I number among the best, one movie I really like, plus a lot of crap” Steven Seagal. (Under Siege and Fire Down Below, in case you’re wondering.) (Okay, his first few are okay, but the later ones…. yikes. There’s a couple serious stinkers in the later ones.)

But after seeing Machete and realizing that Milla had lost her crown (or at least traded the gold for the silver), I realized I had to write. Michelle, you give an old man inspiration!

About Wyrd Smythe

The canonical fool on the hill watching the sunset and the rotation of the planet and thinking what he imagines are large thoughts. View all posts by Wyrd Smythe

9 responses to “Movies: Machete

  • The Good Greatsby

    I also missed this in theaters. I only heard it was really violent but your description makes it sound pretty awesome.

    • Wyrd Smythe

      Make no mistake, it’s pretty violent. Mostly in the gore sense, but there’s some genuine conceptual violence that emphasizes the Bad Guys’ badness. The opening scene is probably the strongest that way. It wasn’t until a bit into the film that I realized it was actually kind of a comedy. The final battle, for instance, is almost silly–I was laughing out loud at points. If Kill Bill or From Dusk Till Dawn didn’t give you any problems, Machete shouldn’t either.

  • Lady from Manila

    “From Dusk Till Dawn” is another movie I made the biggest mistake of watching. 😀 I had totally no idea what the movie was about when we entered the cinema. I was still married then and I liked George Clooney (during that time. Not anymore). Imagine me again watching the movie from beginning to end with my hands on my face, one eye peeking through my fingers. 🙂
    “Machete” might not have made it into my country. It’s the first time I’ve heard of the movie. But I’ve always liked Michelle Rodriguez. I watched her in SWAT. She’s a very attractive and talented lady, I agree.

    I also recently watched “Now You See Me.” My kind of movie.
    I haven’t watched “Superman” yet by Chris Nolan.

    • Wyrd Smythe

      Machete was pretty niche. One might even say cult-ish. It wasn’t in theaters long (and didn’t stay around in OnDemand long, either). Given your reaction to gore, I’m not sure I could recommend it (unless you really wanted to see Rodriguez or the other stars). Robert Rodriguez can be even more dark and violent than Tarantino (and yet—oddly—also does stuff like the Spy Kid movies; go figure).

      Now You See Me sounds like fun! I’m looking forward to that one. And Superman, of course (hmmmm… might go see that tomorrow). Funny that you call it Nolan’s. To me, it’s Zack Snyder’s. (Either/both are correct. Totally a point of view thing.) I’m a big fan of both (loved, loved, loved Watchmen), so I’m eager to see what they do together!

      • Lady from Manila

        I did watch a couple of Spy Kids movies for the benefit of my son. Antonio Banderas was the only saving grace for me then.
        Indeed, “Now You See Me” is a fun film about magicians. Critics used the word “preposterous” but it’s highly entertaining and did well at the box office. Well, you might enjoy seeing Isla Fisher, too, in a swimsuit inside a tank – even if she might not be your type 🙂 (although I think her looks are highly appealing). As for me, Jesse Eisenberg and Dave Franco made me wish I were in my 20s again.
        You’re right. I went to the mall earlier tonight and saw the credits of “Superman.” Chris Nolan was the producer while Zack Snyder directed the film.

      • Wyrd Smythe

        They (Spy Kid movies) are pretty silly (it’s no surprise finding out his kids provided a lot of the input). I watched the first few because I like Rodriguez’s work a lot and to see the special effects he loves so much (he’s a huge fan of using digital cameras).

        I’ve always been a fan of (stage) magic, plus I love caper movies, so Now You See Me sounds like a good one for me. (Speaking of magic and Chris Nolan, did you ever see The Prestige? Pretty cool movie.)

        Isla Fisher, hmmm. Wasn’t really “aware” of her, so I checked out Google Images. Eh. Whatever. Not really my “type”. I tend to favor black haired women most and blondes least. I was born in New York City and grew up in Los Angeles, so I’m used to more ethnic surroundings. As with most Caucasian men, I find Asian women exotic and attractive (just as I understand Asian and Middle Eastern men find blondes and red-heads attractive). And I’ve recently realized Latinas really turn my head. Black hair, olive skin, fire in their veins…. Mmmmm! So Fisher… eh. 🙂

        In the movie business, a Producer can be almost anything depending on the person. (In Nolan’s case, I would assume being Producer means a lot! Plus, he co-wrote the story behind the script.) And Synder, being Synder, is no man’s puppet, so he’ll clearly put his one vision on the piece. That’s why I say you can credit this to either man. (Compare that to the Star Wars trilogy, where Lucas only actually directed the first one, but all three are clearly his works.)

        Point is, in the movies (and TV), a Producer credit is almost entirely undefined and can mean anything. (An “Executive Producer” is almost always a give away credit that means nothing. In most cases, it means they gave money or knew someone.) In the music business, however, a Producer is almost always instrumental (hee, hee) in the sound of the album. Record Producers generally have huge input to the final product.

      • Lady from Manila

        That’s another reply from you packed with relevant information, WS. You made me wish once more there was a Like button in your every comment box. Thank you for taking the time to clarify things for me.

      • Wyrd Smythe

        My pleasure, I enjoy our conversations! I went so long on the last one, so on this one: short! 😀

      • Wyrd Smythe

        You know, I did see another WordPress blog that had “Thumbs Up” and “Thumbs Down” for every comment. I’ll have to ask if that’s an upgrade or a standard feature. I haven’t noticed anything in my settings, but I just have a standard off-the-shelf theme.

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