You may remember that early this year I said you should be thinking about elephants. I hope you have all been working on your assignments, because there are some important metaphorical discussions ahead concerning elephants.
And some jokes. Do you know why elephants are wrinkled? Because they’re very difficult to iron. And whatever do you do with an elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the giraffe. [bah-rump-bump] (One pity about blogging… A line that bad really demands a rimshot, or other funny sound effect, for proper punctuation.)
Here’s another little gem from my collection. Just love a good punch line!
This Is An Incredible Story
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed agitated and distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant’s foot, and there he found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife. When he was done, the elephant gingerly put its foot down on the ground.
After testing his stance, the elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at Peter.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. He summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and then slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn’t the same fucking elephant.
This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories. If it wasn’t clear by now: not real big on the inspirational, heart-warming stories. It really boils down to not responding well to blatant attempts to play my heart-strings. A Happy Ending makes me as gooey as the next cupcake, and a really good one can completely take me apart. But the storyteller has to work for it, at least a little! It isn’t so much “seeing the brush strokes” so much as realizing it was put on—often inexpertly—with a roller.
Here’s a bit of fun to wrap things up.
~ Laura Richards
Once there was an elephant
who tried to use the telephant;
No! No! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone.
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I’ve got it right.)
Howe’er it was he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee—
(I fear I’d better quit this song
of elehop and telephong!)
Watch out for elephants!