Old Dogs Know Tricks

German SheperdThere is such a thing as a shaggy dog story. It’s a story that winds on for as long as the teller can spin it. Eventually, as the audience gets ever more restless, the “joke” ends with the most banal and trivial of non-punchlines.  The longer the telling, the more pointless must be the punchline.

Old dogs notoriously can’t be taught new tricks, but perhaps that’s because they’ve learned the tricks they care to learn and aren’t interested in jumping through new hoops.

This little tale is not a shaggy dog story, but about wise old dogs…

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost.

Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, ‘Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!’ Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, ‘Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?’

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

‘Whew!’ says the panther, ‘That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!’

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther.

So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, ‘Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, ‘What am I going to do now?’

But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says… ‘Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!


Don’t mess with the old dogs… Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

In other news…

If you haven’t visited already, check out the Dog pages (under Raves menu up top). I just added a new page to the collection: Top 10 Complaints Dogs have about their owners!

About Wyrd Smythe

The canonical fool on the hill watching the sunset and the rotation of the planet and thinking what he imagines are large thoughts. View all posts by Wyrd Smythe

8 responses to “Old Dogs Know Tricks

  • dianasschwenk

    Love and German Shepherds are my fave dogs!

    • Wyrd Smythe

      They are said to be the smartest breed, and great with families (very loyal and loving). I’ve only every personally known one (Otis), and he was indeed a great dog. (He did once inadvertently spoil a “moment” I was having with his mistress. Wasn’t his fault, he was curious what the commotion was, but I (fondly) never completely forgave him for that.) The poor things are very prone to hip problems and, as with all large dogs, a lot of food goes in… and out. We had a Great Dane (guard dog at my dad’s shop), so I’ve had some personal experience with large dogs. Labradors are big enough for me!

  • Derek

    Never heard of a Shaggy Dog story…But I love to tell one about Louie who is rough and tough and used to hardships. I get giddy just thinking about it 🙂

    • Wyrd Smythe

      My dad used to be able to spin a long one, about twenty minutes or so. Then he’d deliver the non-punchline and get more groans than a good pun. I have no clue what his was about… I only ever heard that he told it; I never heard him tell it myself.

    • Wyrd Smythe

      I’m glad you enjoyed it. I thought it was worth saving all this time. (And I discovered in my Save folder that two different people had sent me the same story. Wasn’t just a forward that branched from the same original email… the fonts were different (but they were word-for-word identical).

  • reocochran

    Hey, how is retirement treating you? I just was thinking about you!

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