Tag Archives: humor
I bought a new toaster oven the other day. My old one caught fire a little bit and afterwards it didn’t make very good toast. The lower elements fried, so it only heated from above. Broiled toast is strange and sad. I had to toast one side and then flip my bread to toast the other.
It was interesting looking over at the toaster that one morning and wondering why bright yellow, kinda flickery, light was coming out of the toaster. A dull orange glow, that’s expected, but bright yellow? What’s up with that?
Oh! Fire! Damn, my toasted is burned! Literally.
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23 Comments | tags: bagels, bake, bread, broil, food, humor, oven, toast | posted in Life, Rant
The weather has been gorgeous the last couple days, so the idea of sitting at the computer hasn’t been appealing. Plus, it’s occurred to me that I’ve just ended 29 years of sitting at a computer. My original plan was to spend this first retirement month getting solidly back into blogging again, but my brain is rebelling. It would rather just putter around for a while, enjoying life.
I do try to do what the voices in my head tell me. They seem to know what they’re talking about (at least, they’re quite convincing). I have managed to post more this month than any month so far this year, so I’m off to a fine start.
But I’m not going to work at much more this month unless the muse strikes me.
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8 Comments | tags: break time, Cogito ergo sum, humor, jokes, René Descartes | posted in From My Collection
Yesterday I managed to avoid turning on the A/C, although it was borderline most of the day. At one point I looked at the thermometer, and it was 82. “One more degree,” I thought, “And the A/C comes on.” In fact, it did hit 83, but either I’d acclimated to the humidity, or it had dried out a little, so I resisted the temptation.
Today, not even noon, and it’s already 81, so I’ve given in completely to sweet temptation. (Fortunately, I have considerable experience giving in to temptation. I am, in fact, a certified professional with special safety equipment and am operating on a closed course. Do not try this at home or without expert support.)
For your Sunday enjoyment, I have a few last items from my cache…
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7 Comments | tags: humor, insanity, mom, mom is awesome | posted in From My Collection
Ugh! It’s not even noon, and already 79 is in the house. Not doubt the less welcome friends, the 80s, aren’t far behind. I hate the idea of closing the windows and turning on the A/C, but I also hate the idea of the humid heat sucking the life out of me. I could siesta the day and play at night, but in Minnesota it doesn’t cool down at night!
The retirement “party,” a week of dedicated loafing and sybaritic pleasure, is winding down now. Come Monday, the Retired Life, a whole new phase of life work, really begins. And being my own boss, I can pick my own hours (or minutes!), and I can choose the nature of my work! (It does make calling in sick a tricky proposition. On the other hand, my employer is totally down with siestas and drinking on the job.)
In the meantime, I have some items in my cache that I’ve wanted to share.
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6 Comments | tags: breasts, humor, Mick Jagger, Romanesco Broccoli, stop and smell the roses | posted in From My Collection, Life
I was exposed to Shakespeare in high school. We read several of his plays in various English classes. I took to it about the same as most high school kids. That is, I found it opaque and dull (like “classical” music). The first glimmer of the magic and wonder of Shakespeare came only when I became involved in staging some of his plays in drama class.
When I was a sophomore, I helped stage — and acted in — our high school drama group’s presentation of Hamlet (one of his greatest works). I’ve written about my high school drama teacher; he was a professional theatre person who’d gone into teaching (while waiting for his big break in Hollywood). Our production of Hamlet received rave reviews from local papers. “Better than most college productions,” they said!
As a direct consequence of that production, Hamlet is my favorite play!
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8 Comments | tags: English, Hamlet, humor, language, masonite, Shakespeare, word play, words | posted in From My Collection, Writing
I misspent my younger days in the warm climes of Southern California. In particular, I went to high school and college there. I moved to the Midwest about seven years after college. For many, college was the end of anything resembling much in the way of time to call their own. I have many fond memories of idle times in perfect weather!
People who know me know I have a pretty intense work ethic. They also know I have a pretty intense party ethic. (Truth is I’m just intense. Period. Work hard; play hard; relax hard.) This past week — my first week into retirement — I’ve been relaxing hard.
And the weather has been just glorious this week. So far, retirement is aces!
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1 Comment | tags: algebra, backgammon, humor, math humor, peach daiquiri, pi, retirement, weather | posted in From My Collection, Life, Math
After a seemingly endless succession of gloomy, cloudy, drizzly days, we’ve managed to pull off a couple of blue-sky, bright sunny days! Not in a row, mind you, but Friday was beautiful, and today is downright glorious! Sunday is truly earning its name today!
The Minnesota Twins, bless their hearts, even pulled off a win against the Detroit Tigers yesterday (hoping for another today). That gives them a win-loss record of 30-35, only five games below the desired .500 mark. (It’s a no-go mojo for a team to play below .500 or a batter to hit below .200 (in infamous “Mendoza Line“).)
On a day like today one can’t help but to think about oranges.
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11 Comments | tags: Batman, batmobile, batphone, Hamlet, humor, June, knock knock, orange, oranges, poetry, round fruit, silly | posted in Brain Bubble, Writing
There is such a thing as a shaggy dog story. It’s a story that winds on for as long as the teller can spin it. Eventually, as the audience gets ever more restless, the “joke” ends with the most banal and trivial of non-punchlines. The longer the telling, the more pointless must be the punchline.
Old dogs notoriously can’t be taught new tricks, but perhaps that’s because they’ve learned the tricks they care to learn and aren’t interested in jumping through new hoops.
This little tale is not a shaggy dog story, but about wise old dogs…
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8 Comments | tags: dogs, German Sheperd, humor, jokes, panther, squirrel | posted in From My Collection
You may remember that early this year I said you should be thinking about elephants. I hope you have all been working on your assignments, because there are some important metaphorical discussions ahead concerning elephants.
And some jokes. Do you know why elephants are wrinkled? Because they’re very difficult to iron. And whatever do you do with an elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the giraffe. [bah-rump-bump] (One pity about blogging… A line that bad really demands a rimshot, or other funny sound effect, for proper punctuation.)
Here’s another little gem from my collection. Just love a good punch line!
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30 Comments | tags: elephants, humor, stories, telephones | posted in From My Collection
This week begins the 25 final work days at The Company. Retirement is up there with the other major lifetime events: birth, marriage, career, parenthood, property, divorce, health, death. For many it’s the conclusion of the other main relationship in their lives.
I find I’m too distracted and tense to write blog articles right now. The anticipation making me… making me… I dunno,… making me w… wonder if the day will ever come. It’s like an adult Christmas that only comes once in a lifetime.
So, in the meantime — Spring Cleaning—I’m clearing out my files. These are things I’ve kept for years thinking I might use them someday…
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8 Comments | tags: humor, Walmart | posted in From My Collection, Life
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