Cache Dump

Romanesco BroccoliUgh! It’s not even noon, and already 79 is in the house. Not doubt the less welcome friends, the 80s, aren’t far behind. I hate the idea of closing the windows and turning on the A/C, but I also hate the idea of the humid heat sucking the life out of me.  I could siesta the day and play at night, but in Minnesota it doesn’t cool down at night!

The retirement “party,” a week of dedicated loafing and sybaritic pleasure, is winding down now. Come Monday, the Retired Life, a whole new phase of life work, really begins. And being my own boss, I can pick my own hours (or minutes!), and I can choose the nature of my work! (It does make calling in sick a tricky proposition. On the other hand, my employer is totally down with siestas and drinking on the job.)

In the meantime, I have some items in my cache that I’ve wanted to share.

Chargers fanThe problem is that I’ve never found a way to really work them into a post (mainly because they’re not the sort of thing I generally do around here).  They’re images that are just too good to not share in some fashion.  The problem is finding the right hook to hang them on.

Consider the rather spectacular lass in the picture on the left (you can click on it to see the whole thing if you are so inclined).

For whatever it’s worth, the image was sent to me by a dear female friend with pronounced feminist leanings (you see, because that makes it non-sexist and okay).  The image comes with a story in the accompanying text:

Chargers Season Tickets For Sale!

I have 2 Chargers season tickets For Sale. My wife  doesn’t want to attend any more of  their games as she doesn’t like the person who sits in the seat next to us.  I’ve attached a picture with the view from the seats.   Tickets will be sold to the highest bidder.

The thing is, I think anyone would admit the view is… impressive. And not—well not solely—for the obvious reasons (one assumes there are two of them).  The tone of the mid-section and the musculature is impressive! But what really impressed me was, “Who the hell goes out in public dressed like that?!”

I guess if you’ve got it, flaunt it, but geeze…  It’s not just that showy top!  I’m guessing it’s commando all around.  (And, honey, for whatever it’s worth, I think you’re borderline grotesque.  I see a lot of backaches in your future! I’m a big fan of proportion!)

I do get a kick out of the old guy sitting down two seats to her left. 😀

switch plateHere’s another one that’s just too funny to not share, but I could never find a way to work it into a post.  Again, not really what this blog is about, but I’m celebrating retirement, and I’m tired of seeing this in my “images I’d like to use in a post” folder.

This one also has a story that goes with it:

I’m sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctor’s offices on everything from tissues to pens to exam table cover paper. Well, in my book, this one should get the prize.

Funnier yet, I sent this to my Chinese doctor who E-mailed the following back to me: “If the light stays on for more than 4 hours, call your “Erectrician.”

Not entirely comfortable with the accent-based humor, but without it the joke doesn’t work (and the joke is pretty funny if you can get past the accent thing). The only other such joke I confess to liking involves the time the Japanese designed a great new lines of cars, but couldn’t think of a name for them. They knew the Germans were good with names. {At this point in the joke, part of my mind always goes, “They are?”} So they called the Germans and explained the situation.

“Vell, vhen do you need ziss?” they were asked.
“Oh, most immediately, please! We must have by next week!!” was the reply.
“Vhat? Dat soon?!” exclaimed the Germans.
“Ah, thank you very much!” said the Japanese.

used_carAs a bit of a change of pace, speaking of cars, here’s an old favorite from my “funny images” folder.  You’ll need to click on the image to see the full one to see the joke.  (Or you could just admire the pretty picture. Whatever. I’m not trying to run your life or tell you what to do. (But you do want to click on the image; trust me!))

In the meantime, you might be wondering about the odd green image at the post’s top.  If you’ve seen it before, of course you’ll recognize it immediately.  If not, you might think it’s some sort of computer-generated fractal image.  What it is in reality is broccoli.

Yep, broccoli. This is not made up; this is real. It’s called a Romanesco Broccoli (or Roman Cauliflower). It looks like it came from space. Or the future.

I was at a party a while back, and saw the one pictured with my own eyes (click on the image above for a mondo-sized version)… It’s kind of a mathematical wonder-vegetable. It’s logarithmic in its spiral. It’s fractal in its shape… the main shape has little shapes… the little shapes have littler shapes… the littler shapes have even littler shapes…

The cauliflower molecules probably have little shapes on them for all I know!

[Ugh! I knew it. Unwanted guest 81 is in the house, and I’m guessing his higher friends aren’t far behind.]

roseI’ll leave you today with idea that it’s important to stop and smell the roses.  And an utterly inappropriate picture (but that’s kind of today’s theme).  And the thing is, it’s not just a sexy picture. The world is filled with those.  What makes this one interesting is: don’t roses have thorns?

(And maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t the picture just scream Renaissance Faire?  I think it’s the white blouse and the lace-up tunic.)

Her eyes, by the way, are blue-green (the lighting makes it hard to tell exactly).  See, I do pay attention, and (not that it matters) I’m a “face man” anyway.  The rest is really just a kind of upholstery.

In fact, since we’re on the topic of breasts, for the record, as I intimated above, I’m a fan of proportion.  What we might call “porn star breasts” are, to me, genuinely grotesque. I cannot fathom the male interest in breasts that enter a room several seconds before their owner does.

I’ve had lovers and friends occasionally regret that they weren’t bigger.  My response for years was to quote the Mick  Jagger line about how, “Anything over a mouthful is wasted anyway.”  Recently I heard a much better reply (can’t recall the source), “Hey! They’re still breasts!”

And face it ladies… we guys just love’m!

[Comments disabled for the moment, because (for some reason) the spam turds have decided this is one of their favorite posts.  Lower than toe cheese, these spammers! Die, die, die!]

[8/10/13: Comments re-enabled to see what happens now.]

About Wyrd Smythe

The canonical fool on the hill watching the sunset and the rotation of the planet and thinking what he imagines are large thoughts. View all posts by Wyrd Smythe

6 responses to “Cache Dump

  • 0hMissFit

    Happy Retirement to you!
    I also have to ask about the boobs…I have always wondered how the porn-star-grade boobed girls sleep…I mean where do they put them? Do you flop em each under an arm and pin em down to avoid suffocating in the middle of the night? Do you use double sticky tape underneath and secure them to your belly? I think they’d be a lot of trouble, not conducive to a peaceful sleep at all. But, trying to think positively, those crevices could provide a sweet hiding spot, you could tuck an ID and a bit of money and a lip gloss under there or in between and avoid having to lug a purse around when going out and about…just no running, for fear of self inflicted black eyes or a split lip…but I still worry about how they get a restful nights sleep…

    • Wyrd Smythe

      I’m so sorry! I know a lot of things, but I have no idea how they manage it, either! Maybe it’s as simple as putting some bricks under the head of the bed so it angles down towards your feet and gravity keeps things aimed downwards. Or maybe there are special beds they have to buy… kind of like those massage tables with a slot or hole for your face.

      Hell, for all I know, they can be deflated at night and then re-inflated for work the next day.

      Now,… did you mean sweet hiding spot or sweaty hiding spot? Given how in many cases a single breast is larger then their head (which is all sorts of wrong), I’d think they could hide entire picnic baskets. Along with the folding camp stools, table clothes and bags of charcoal.

      It’d be like one of those magic shows where they keep pulling out item after item after item… OMG! An entire BBQ grill?!?!

      • 0hMissFit

        Hmmmm… There may be an invention right there- you could pitch your big-boob-bed ideas to those investors on the show Shark Tank and make millions! A perfect retirement gig!

        Ohhh I love a picnic… But I don’t want to and thankfully would be unable to carry the whole shebang in my or under my or in between my boobs… But, thinking about it, it could be tragic, if that instant charcoal, the kind that needs no lighter fluid, suddenly combusted( haha, com-busted!!) from the heat, imagine the horror! Although the burgers would cook and the corn may roast, the marshmallows would be toasted way before the meal was served !! Shudder!! And the Hershey bars would most likely melt and that would ruin the s’mores and THAT would indeed be truly tragic!

      • Wyrd Smythe

        I can’t help but think the real money is in inflatables. Makes them the perfect size for any occasion.

        Good point about the melted chocolate. But I’m sure there’s room for a refrigeration unit. Or at least a couple bags of ice! (“Com-bust-ion” … heh, heh, heh!)

      • 0hMissFit

        You may be on to something with the adjustable inflatables- a size for every occasion! Imagine the demand! Big ones for that hot date, shrink em down when going for a jog…but for bedtime, wait, come to think of it, a water bed may be the answer, literally, a WATER bed… They’ll float, right? And how soothing to sleep in a warm tub, floating safely with the built in floaties! Just think, no back pain from a bad mattress! Genius!!

      • Wyrd Smythe

        Brilliant! Now we just need to solve the occasional drowning problem… And I think there inflatables may be the ticket! Kind of like wearing your life vest all the time…

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