Category Archives: From My Collection
I was exposed to Shakespeare in high school. We read several of his plays in various English classes. I took to it about the same as most high school kids. That is, I found it opaque and dull (like “classical” music). The first glimmer of the magic and wonder of Shakespeare came only when I became involved in staging some of his plays in drama class.
When I was a sophomore, I helped stage — and acted in — our high school drama group’s presentation of Hamlet (one of his greatest works). I’ve written about my high school drama teacher; he was a professional theatre person who’d gone into teaching (while waiting for his big break in Hollywood). Our production of Hamlet received rave reviews from local papers. “Better than most college productions,” they said!
As a direct consequence of that production, Hamlet is my favorite play!
Continue reading
8 Comments | tags: English, Hamlet, humor, language, masonite, Shakespeare, word play, words | posted in From My Collection, Writing
I misspent my younger days in the warm climes of Southern California. In particular, I went to high school and college there. I moved to the Midwest about seven years after college. For many, college was the end of anything resembling much in the way of time to call their own. I have many fond memories of idle times in perfect weather!
People who know me know I have a pretty intense work ethic. They also know I have a pretty intense party ethic. (Truth is I’m just intense. Period. Work hard; play hard; relax hard.) This past week — my first week into retirement — I’ve been relaxing hard.
And the weather has been just glorious this week. So far, retirement is aces!
Continue reading
1 Comment | tags: algebra, backgammon, humor, math humor, peach daiquiri, pi, retirement, weather | posted in From My Collection, Life, Math
Thursday and Friday of this past week were days 10 and 9 in [big booming voice] The Countdown to Retirement. I’m taking Mondays off in June (no more Monday mornings!), so I have two four-day weeks remaining in my 33-year career at The Company.
And it’s a good thing I decided to stay through June. The project I’ve been working on since last September still hasn’t hit production (through, I stress, absolutely no fault of mine).
This week we finally got to the point of end-to-end testing in the QA environment, and I’m anticipating we’ll start testing in production next week. Talk about taking it down to the wire!
As you might imagine, rather than lazily basking in the last remaining weeks of my career, I’m instead working my ass off!
Continue reading
18 Comments | tags: Bruce Willis, Looper, Mariano Rivera, Minnesota Twins, retirement, work | posted in Baseball, From My Collection, Life, Movies
There is such a thing as a shaggy dog story. It’s a story that winds on for as long as the teller can spin it. Eventually, as the audience gets ever more restless, the “joke” ends with the most banal and trivial of non-punchlines. The longer the telling, the more pointless must be the punchline.
Old dogs notoriously can’t be taught new tricks, but perhaps that’s because they’ve learned the tricks they care to learn and aren’t interested in jumping through new hoops.
This little tale is not a shaggy dog story, but about wise old dogs…
Continue reading
8 Comments | tags: dogs, German Sheperd, humor, jokes, panther, squirrel | posted in From My Collection
You may remember that early this year I said you should be thinking about elephants. I hope you have all been working on your assignments, because there are some important metaphorical discussions ahead concerning elephants.
And some jokes. Do you know why elephants are wrinkled? Because they’re very difficult to iron. And whatever do you do with an elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the giraffe. [bah-rump-bump] (One pity about blogging… A line that bad really demands a rimshot, or other funny sound effect, for proper punctuation.)
Here’s another little gem from my collection. Just love a good punch line!
Continue reading
29 Comments | tags: elephants, humor, stories, telephones | posted in From My Collection
This week begins the 25 final work days at The Company. Retirement is up there with the other major lifetime events: birth, marriage, career, parenthood, property, divorce, health, death. For many it’s the conclusion of the other main relationship in their lives.
I find I’m too distracted and tense to write blog articles right now. The anticipation making me… making me… I dunno,… making me w… wonder if the day will ever come. It’s like an adult Christmas that only comes once in a lifetime.
So, in the meantime — Spring Cleaning—I’m clearing out my files. These are things I’ve kept for years thinking I might use them someday…
Continue reading
8 Comments | tags: humor, Walmart | posted in From My Collection, Life
Yesterday I tendered a generic, obligation-free, all-inclusive, organically raised, specially filtered, gluten-free, pesticide-free, steroid-free, high-fiber (but high fructose corn syrup-free) Winter Solstice greeting to one and all.
And then I went and either ruined, counter-pointed, offset or highlighted that greeting by playing you out with a Stevie Nicks version of a venerable Christmas Carol (wearing the fake beard, nose and lens-free plastic glasses of a “Solstice Hymn”… I’m guessing you weren’t fooled).
Clearly this “Christmas meme” has not only gone viral but appears likely to be with us for a while. Therefore, straddling the gap between High Holy Holidays and a world-embracing non-centrist view, I offer you this version of The Twelve Days of Christmas (not to be confused with the actual 12 days of Christmas):
Continue reading
9 Comments | tags: 12 Days of Christmas, Christmas, humor, politically correct, Shrek, Straight No Chaser | posted in From My Collection, Music
December is a dark month. It has the shortest day of the year (thankfully behind us now), and it comes at the end of a string of months — six of them — where the days have been getting shorter and shorter. By now, many of us drive to work in the dark and drive home in the dark. And for some there is snow and ice as well.
Sounds like a good time to throw a huge, everybody’s-involved, party! (So add all the present purchasing and party preparation to the mix with the cold and the dark.)
Hopefully at this point the work is behind you and it’s all fun for the next two days. As we wait for the party to start, here’s another politically corrected version of an old favorite. In this case, that poem about the night before…
Continue reading
3 Comments | tags: Ay Ay Ay It's Christmas, Christmas, humor, Night Before Christmas, politically correct, Santa, Santa Claus | posted in From My Collection
As I write this, the 2012 Winter Solstice (and, perhaps, the long-anticipated End of the World) is about nine hours away. At 11:12 “Zulu” time (UTC) tomorrow (12/21; nice palindromic date), the sun passes a certain key spot in its orbit.
After that, due to the Earth’s axial tilt, the days then start getting longer! (At least for those of us in the northern hemisphere. For those in the southern hemi, tomorrow is the sorrowful day when the light begins to fade.) I’ve always liked the view that those sky dragons that have been munching on our sun have had their fill and have moved off to slumber off their repast for six months.
In any event, the days will start getting longer, and that’s cause for celebration. In commemoration of this auspicious day, I offer you this Solstice Greeting…
Continue reading
16 Comments | tags: December, end of the world, greeting, holiday, humor, Solstice, winter, Winter Solstice | posted in Basics, From My Collection, Life
So now we’ve established that Santa Claus is a magical being possessed of unknown gender, amazing abilities and a stable of cryptofauna. We can be thankful such a powerful being is not just friendly, but apparently an annual giver of gifts (at least to those who have been “nice” per this being’s magical “list”).
Certainly, a large portion of the Earth’s children — held in thrall to this unknowable annual alien — have sought his favor by sending him petitions through the mail. (The word is that His Jolliness has agents planted in postal services throughout the world to intercept these missives.)
Even the famous plastic couple, Barbie and Ken, have felt the pull of this fur-trimmed creature lurking at the top of the world…
Continue reading
19 Comments | tags: Barbie, Christmas, Dear Santa, humor, Ken, parody, Santa, Santa Claus | posted in From My Collection
Logos con carne 