Author Archives: Wyrd Smythe

About Wyrd Smythe

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The canonical fool on the hill watching the sunset and the rotation of the planet and thinking what he imagines are large thoughts.

CNN Is Dead To Me

No CNNNot that there was any doubt, but CNN proved it is nothing but a cable whore by hiring Cory Lewandowski, the guy who man-handled reporter Michelle Fields on camera and nearly got charged with assault.

I urge you to join me in boycotting CNN, especially during the November election. Remember: these are the idiots who brought you reporter holograms in 2008!

They’re also the guys (definitely guys) who put Erin “Cleavage” Burnett on an elevated platform so the cameras can get a good shot of her legs.

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What The Followers?

off my lawnWhile I’m in a meta mood, there’s a post I’ve been meaning to write for months. It’s particularly apropos as a follow-up to this year’s Blog Anniversary post, especially as it’s a follow-up about Followers.

Specifically, the 2,642 of you supposedly following this blog. Often the proper term might be lurkers, but in this case I lean more towards absent drive-bys. There would be more, over three-grand, but ever since WordPress gave bloggers the ability to delete Followers, I’ve been removing obvious spammers (meaning anyone selling anything).

I’ll give you the punchline so you can stop reading: I’m about to remove nearly all of you.

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Wood The Fifth

FiveFive years. (And 602 posts.) Literally a handful of years. (And a heartful.) There is a theory that the Roman numeral V represents a human hand, and the numeral X symbolizes two V hands set point-to-point. It seems obvious that “prisoner’s hash marks” — counting the days in groups of five — owes much to our five-fingered hands.

Five is a human number. Small enough to seem fundamental; big enough to be interesting (two and three are so boring; four is kinda square). Five puts the prime in prime! It’s also part of an easy trick for making large right angles (for laying out fields and building pyramids), and it’s the first substantial anniversary gift (paper, cotton, leather, silk, wood).

Five years ago I started this blog…

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MN Twins: WTF?

Paul MolitorMy poor Minnesota Twins are having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season of epic proportion. It famously ain’t over ’til it’s over, but here at the one-third mark, after 54 games, it ain’t lookin’ good.

Put it this way: If the Twins continue to play at the abysmal .296 rate they have for the first two months of the season, they’ll win only 48 games. Which means losing 114! Which beats their previous worst (102 in 1982) by a good long margin.

Suffice to say we Twins fans are all feeling a bit stunned.

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What We Wrought

His Masters Voice

In the last quarter of the 19th century — USA-centrically, call it 139 years ago — we began to experience having the sound of strangers’ voices in our lives, even in our homes. Not just voices, but music from concert halls and clubs. And other sounds, too: the clip-clop of horse feet, the slam of a door, a gunshot. Less than 100 years ago, those sounds went electric, and we never looked back.

At the beginning of the 20th century, we started another love affair — this one with moving images on rectangular screens, a dance of light and shadow, windows to imaginary worlds. Or windows to recorded memories or news of distant places. When sound went electric, those moving images took voice and spoke and sang. No one alive in our society today remembers a time when moving images weren’t woven into our lives.

Here, now, into the 21st century, in an age of streaming video and music, from cloud to your pocket device (with its high-resolution display and built-in video camera), I can’t help but be impressed by how far we’ve come.

The iPad

A long way, indeed.


Trump Fires Self!

fired

I’ll Make Mars Great Again!

In a surprise move today, GOP front-runner The Donald Trump announced his resignation from the presidential race claiming it was all “just a tremendous joke — amazing! I never thought anyone would believe it for a second… but I pulled it off perfectly, of course.”

Mr. Trump said he would devote his time now to building a Great Wall of Mars, which he said would be “way better than China’s so-called Great Wall; it’ll be tremendous, and it will look amazing!” He claims the Martians will pay for the wall, and that it will make space “great again.”

Two former Republican candidates for the highest office, Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush, told reporters they wished Mr. Trump every success and offered their assistance in hastening his departure for the red planet. Both Floridians said they’d be glad to personally strap him to any of NASA’s larger boosters.

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Birds and Bernie

Birdie Sanders 1

Bernie Sanders receives an endorsement from Finches!

So… The week began with a bomb in Brussels and a baseball game in Cuba. On one side of the Earth, images of terror and oppression; on the other, images of joy and freedom. It forms a literal global Yin-Yang reflecting the best and worst of human goals and actions.

From such high stakes and matters of import, the week quickly descended into the sewer, as the National Embarrassment led the Republican Party to new lows this election cycle.

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Obama and Baseball

FFOTUS wave

The First Family planting seeds of democracy.

To those who would disparage President Obama’s comportment (or even just presence) at the historic baseball game in Cuba yesterday, might I suggest there is, perhaps, no greater expression of American freedom, liberty, and values, than the simple joy of a baseball game?

What better way to flip the bird to those who would destroy our way of life than to take a moment to say: Nope, not afraid of you, not gonna let you own this — or any — day!

At first I thought maybe there was a point to be made regarding his comportment. Was the wave necessary? How dare he enjoy himself so much!

But what better response to horror and tragedy is there but joy and love?

And, oh, by the way: Not so much just a “baseball game” as planting the seeds of freedom and democracy with our neighbors. What you might call the opposite of terrorism, so nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.

After all, baseball is one of those things you can be “as American as!”


Bombs and Baseball

Pres Obama and Mrs Robinson

Coo coo ca choo!

So. It’s been a day. A bombing in Brussels, Belgium, and an historic baseball game in Habana, Cuba. President Obama was at the latter, and so was Mrs. Robinson (the one the song isn’t about). Set against the background of “Super Tuesday #4: The Continuing Horror” it all weaves an interesting tapestry of stark contrasts and lurid splashes of color.

Baseball and bombs. Diplomacy and terrorism. Policy and politics. It’s terrible and fascinating how the world offers so much hope and so much despair — all in a day. The best there is in people set against the worst there is in people.

So, it’s been a day.

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My Grandfather’s Axe

Theseus and MinotaurIn Greek mythology, the hero Theseus, who slew the Minotaur and escaped its maze, returned from Crete to Athens where the Athenians preserved his ship in seaworthy state for more than a thousand years. It was an emblem of courage and a reminder of a national hero that many Greeks considered more legendary than mythological.

The Ship of Theseus was carefully maintained. Parts that rotted away were replaced with exact replicas. And in a ship made almost entirely of wood, crude iron, rope, and sail, everything rots, so eventually everything gets replaced.

Which makes the identity of the ship an interesting question.

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