Computer Haiku

It’s shaping up to be a killer week. I thought my first task in the new job would involve designing a system, but it turns out much of the business process analysis hasn’t been done yet. Given that they have a target date of December, I have my work cut out for me.

So this is likely to be a very light week blogsphere-wise (and I hate to think it could actually get worse in the weeks ahead).

If I post much at all, it’s likely to be fairly light, possibly pulled from my past writing or maybe even some golden oldies from the days of the USENET era.

With that in mind, here’s a set of computer haiku error messages that made the rounds back in the day. Enjoy!

Computer Errors in Haiku

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
The Web site you seek
cannot be located, but
endless others exist.
Errors have occurred.
We won’t tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.
Everything is gone;
Your life’s work has been destroyed.
Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
“My Novel” not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?
No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?
The code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.
Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
Server’s poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.
Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
This site has been moved.
We’d tell you where, but then we’d
have to delete you.
To have no errors
Would be life without meaning
No struggle, no joy
Wind catches lily
Scatt’ring petals to the wind:
“Segmentation fault”
There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software can’t bridge
Having been erased,
The document you’re seeking
Must now be retyped.
Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: “File not found.”
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
The ten thousand things
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.
Hal, open the file
Hal, open the damn file, Hal
open the, please Hal

About Wyrd Smythe

The canonical fool on the hill watching the sunset and the rotation of the planet and thinking what he imagines are large thoughts. View all posts by Wyrd Smythe

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