Category Archives: From My Collection
After three grueling math theory posts (which I’m sure you all read very carefully and are fully prepared for next week’s pop quiz), it’s Friday and time for some fun. Here is a trio of very old jokes about the afterlife. They’re so old they may have gone around the loop to being new again, at least for anyone under the age of mumble-mumble.
As I write this post it occurs to me that I don’t hear many jokes anymore. Comedians have stand-up routines, and there are funny quotes, and lots of funny videos and gags and images… Maybe I’m just out of the loop, but it seems like people don’t tell jokes that much anymore. Pity!
I’ll have to look into that. In the meantime, enjoy (and have a great weekend):
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10 Comments | tags: engineers, funny, heaven, humor, jokes, lawyers, St. Peter | posted in From My Collection
According to the CDC, every day, more than nine people are killed due to distracted drivers. Every day, more than 1000 are injured. In these days of cell phones, texting and drive-through eateries, the potential for distracted driving is greater than ever. And driving is such a common activity that it’s easy to forget we’re piloting a weapon of notable destruction.
Even worse, young — inexperienced — drivers are far more likely to be involved in distractions involving their mobile devices or friends riding along. Traffic fatalities are the leading cause of death for U.S. teens. In 2010, (according to the CDC) seven teens (16-19) died every single day in car crashes (making them about 8% of the 32,885 traffic deaths that year — a rate of about 90 people per day).
With that in mind, I give you the story of Jack & Bob…
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11 Comments | tags: car accident, car crashes, cars, CDC, cell phones, drive safely, driving, driving too fast, speeding, speeding ticket, teen drivers, texting, traffic, traffic fatality | posted in From My Collection
Those of us in parts of the country that experience snow and ice and sub-zero temperatures have had a very tough winter this year! As we dig ourselves out from under the covers, it’s nice to finally begin to enjoy the coming summer (despite the chilly Minnesota days this past week of May).
In an email to a friend in Southern California I was bemoaning the awful weather, and she wrote back to remind me that they have their own share of devastating weather. They, too, have suffered under the cruel lash of Mother Nature. My friend kindly sent me the photo you see here illustrating the horrific damage done to their outdoor deck due to a passing west coast storm this past month. Fortunately, once the storm passed, they were able to leave the shelter of their home and begin to set things right again.
It really makes you cherish what you have and reminds us not to take life for granted!
4 Comments | tags: awful weather, funny, humor, rain, Southern California, storms | posted in From My Collection
Of twelve. It’s hard not to notice how Christmas peeks out from under the covers earlier and earlier every year. One of my more recent seasonal traditions is noting how soon the first signs appear. The commercial opportunities of Halloween run interference in the fall; this year I found Christmas spoor on November 1st.
How Thanksgiving managed to escape heavy commercialization escapes me. Maybe people are spent out due to those two spendiest of holidays bracketing either side. Attics now store as many boxes of Halloween decorations as they do Christmas ones!
I guess the long foreplay is a good thing considering the instant exit once the deed is done.
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8 Comments | tags: Christmas, English, Halloween, holidays, humor, Thanksgiving, word play, words | posted in From My Collection, Life
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing: She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively, and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks, the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?” He said he hadn’t. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”
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9 Comments | tags: batteries, humor, jokes, puns, seashore | posted in From My Collection
I’m finding it seriously difficult to spend time at the computer blogging (or doing anything else computer related). The weather has continued to be wonderful — warm but not too hot — which is bad enough. It’s that nagging feeling that I just got out of a 33-year career that had my face buried in a computer screen all day. (Well, okay, not maybe that first four years I was in the field, but once I moved to HQ and took a desk job, ever since!)
So, until it either heats up to the point of requiring air-conditioned air and closed windows, or winter comes and I have to hide from the snow and ice, I really, really feel like I’d rather spend my days goofing off. Blogging feels too much like work!
So, in the meantime, here’s another item from my collection. Men’s replies to the questions that women (constantly) ask…
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24 Comments | tags: gender, humor, men, women | posted in From My Collection
I’ve been indulging in a break away from computer things, so it’s been a while since the last post. I haven’t really set any publication schedule, so it’s not like I’m out of compliance. (I have at times been out of luck, out of town, out of wack, and out of my mind. I’ve also been “all out of love,” and speaking of which, I’ve even been out of air! (supply… see what I did there?))
The problem is, the longer I don’t post, the harder it is to get back in the saddle. Since I’m still kind of in break mode, I thought I’d share another item from my files. It’s a riff on the (very general) differences between the male and female approach to life.
Here is the story of Roger & Elaine.
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13 Comments | tags: dating, men, women | posted in Basics, From My Collection
The weather has been gorgeous the last couple days, so the idea of sitting at the computer hasn’t been appealing. Plus, it’s occurred to me that I’ve just ended 29 years of sitting at a computer. My original plan was to spend this first retirement month getting solidly back into blogging again, but my brain is rebelling. It would rather just putter around for a while, enjoying life.
I do try to do what the voices in my head tell me. They seem to know what they’re talking about (at least, they’re quite convincing). I have managed to post more this month than any month so far this year, so I’m off to a fine start.
But I’m not going to work at much more this month unless the muse strikes me.
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8 Comments | tags: break time, Cogito ergo sum, humor, jokes, René Descartes | posted in From My Collection
Yesterday I managed to avoid turning on the A/C, although it was borderline most of the day. At one point I looked at the thermometer, and it was 82. “One more degree,” I thought, “And the A/C comes on.” In fact, it did hit 83, but either I’d acclimated to the humidity, or it had dried out a little, so I resisted the temptation.
Today, not even noon, and it’s already 81, so I’ve given in completely to sweet temptation. (Fortunately, I have considerable experience giving in to temptation. I am, in fact, a certified professional with special safety equipment and am operating on a closed course. Do not try this at home or without expert support.)
For your Sunday enjoyment, I have a few last items from my cache…
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7 Comments | tags: humor, insanity, mom, mom is awesome | posted in From My Collection
Ugh! It’s not even noon, and already 79 is in the house. Not doubt the less welcome friends, the 80s, aren’t far behind. I hate the idea of closing the windows and turning on the A/C, but I also hate the idea of the humid heat sucking the life out of me. I could siesta the day and play at night, but in Minnesota it doesn’t cool down at night!
The retirement “party,” a week of dedicated loafing and sybaritic pleasure, is winding down now. Come Monday, the Retired Life, a whole new phase of life work, really begins. And being my own boss, I can pick my own hours (or minutes!), and I can choose the nature of my work! (It does make calling in sick a tricky proposition. On the other hand, my employer is totally down with siestas and drinking on the job.)
In the meantime, I have some items in my cache that I’ve wanted to share.
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6 Comments | tags: breasts, humor, Mick Jagger, Romanesco Broccoli, stop and smell the roses | posted in From My Collection, Life
Logos con carne 