Dateline: Monday. The little-known eclectic blogger, Wyrd Smythe, had no idea that his blogging provider, a mysterious global enterprise known as “Word Press” (a possible anagram for “Sword Reps”), had granted him extreme power over the weather. At this time, we cannot report whether this was a deliberate seasonal gift, or if the power somehow escaped the control of its owners. Neither can we report on how many this may affect.
What we do know is this: On Monday, when the unsuspecting blogger clicked the “Let It Snow” checkbox on his settings page, sure enough, a gentle snow fall began on his posts. That was the desired and expected effect. What happened next, however, was a surprise.
It also began to snow outside for the first time this season!
The blogger, Smythe, agreed to speak with us for this exclusive report. (We’re quite certain you won’t find this news anywhere else!) Of course we’ve altered his voice to help disguise his identity. (We didn’t do the pixelation. He actually looks like that.)
“I know there have been some grave concerns about this,” said Smythe. “I don’t know if this is the first time this has happened, but it’s sure new to most folks ’round here. It’s totally understandable they’d wonder what the future holds.”
I asked Smythe if he has definite plans regarding the future, and if he plans to share his new-found power.
“We’ll I’m not sure how I could share it,” he replied. “There’s just that one checkbox, plus I’d have to share my password, and I’m not about to do that!”
“As for the future,” he continued, “any comic book fan knows that, with great power comes great responsibility. I want to assure everyone that I don’t take moral guidance from comics. I intend to enjoy this to the max! Are you kidding? Don’t you think it’s high time Minnesota had the first August snowstorm in recorded history? Wouldn’t that be fun? Besides, would you rather see your in-laws at the family picnic or stay home because it’s hailing?”
I asked him if mischief was the only plan, if perhaps there wasn’t some good he might do.
“Oh, yes, absolutely!” he said. “I like rain and farmers got drought, so there’s a good combination right there. And, you know, speaking of rain, for years I’ve heard people say that it never rains in Minnesota on the 4th of July. I’ve been here almost 30 years, and I can’t recall a single rainy 4th. So I figure I’ll bring in a good rainstorm for all those unhappy dry folks! That should bring a lot of smiles!!”
I suggested that he might have misunderstood the point of it not having rained.
He shook his head, “No, I’m pretty sure that’s right. Why else would they keep mentioning it if they didn’t miss it? You mention the things you miss, not the things you don’t, right?”
I had to allow the truth of that.
Smythe sighed and said slowly, “There is one thing… That checkbox only works until January 4th, so I won’t really be able to help those folks in July. To tell you the truth, I’m not sure it does more than make it snow.”
“So what do you really plan to do?” I asked.
He grinned, “Why I’m going to let it snow, of course! At least until January 4th!”