Monthly Archives: December 2012
Yesterday I tendered a generic, obligation-free, all-inclusive, organically raised, specially filtered, gluten-free, pesticide-free, steroid-free, high-fiber (but high fructose corn syrup-free) Winter Solstice greeting to one and all.
And then I went and either ruined, counter-pointed, offset or highlighted that greeting by playing you out with a Stevie Nicks version of a venerable Christmas Carol (wearing the fake beard, nose and lens-free plastic glasses of a “Solstice Hymn”… I’m guessing you weren’t fooled).
Clearly this “Christmas meme” has not only gone viral but appears likely to be with us for a while. Therefore, straddling the gap between High Holy Holidays and a world-embracing non-centrist view, I offer you this version of The Twelve Days of Christmas (not to be confused with the actual 12 days of Christmas):
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9 Comments | tags: 12 Days of Christmas, Christmas, humor, politically correct, Shrek, Straight No Chaser | posted in From My Collection, Music
December is a dark month. It has the shortest day of the year (thankfully behind us now), and it comes at the end of a string of months — six of them — where the days have been getting shorter and shorter. By now, many of us drive to work in the dark and drive home in the dark. And for some there is snow and ice as well.
Sounds like a good time to throw a huge, everybody’s-involved, party! (So add all the present purchasing and party preparation to the mix with the cold and the dark.)
Hopefully at this point the work is behind you and it’s all fun for the next two days. As we wait for the party to start, here’s another politically corrected version of an old favorite. In this case, that poem about the night before…
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3 Comments | tags: Ay Ay Ay It's Christmas, Christmas, humor, Night Before Christmas, politically correct, Santa, Santa Claus | posted in From My Collection
As I write this, the 2012 Winter Solstice (and, perhaps, the long-anticipated End of the World) is about nine hours away. At 11:12 “Zulu” time (UTC) tomorrow (12/21; nice palindromic date), the sun passes a certain key spot in its orbit.
After that, due to the Earth’s axial tilt, the days then start getting longer! (At least for those of us in the northern hemisphere. For those in the southern hemi, tomorrow is the sorrowful day when the light begins to fade.) I’ve always liked the view that those sky dragons that have been munching on our sun have had their fill and have moved off to slumber off their repast for six months.
In any event, the days will start getting longer, and that’s cause for celebration. In commemoration of this auspicious day, I offer you this Solstice Greeting…
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16 Comments | tags: December, end of the world, greeting, holiday, humor, Solstice, winter, Winter Solstice | posted in Basics, From My Collection, Life
So now we’ve established that Santa Claus is a magical being possessed of unknown gender, amazing abilities and a stable of cryptofauna. We can be thankful such a powerful being is not just friendly, but apparently an annual giver of gifts (at least to those who have been “nice” per this being’s magical “list”).
Certainly, a large portion of the Earth’s children — held in thrall to this unknowable annual alien — have sought his favor by sending him petitions through the mail. (The word is that His Jolliness has agents planted in postal services throughout the world to intercept these missives.)
Even the famous plastic couple, Barbie and Ken, have felt the pull of this fur-trimmed creature lurking at the top of the world…
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19 Comments | tags: Barbie, Christmas, Dear Santa, humor, Ken, parody, Santa, Santa Claus | posted in From My Collection
Having previously established that Santa has to be magical (because the laws of physics prohibit a real Santa accomplishing successful toy delivery), we can turn to the question of Santa’s gender. One might question this on the grounds of Santa’s apparent historic maleness, but in counter I offer George Sand, Mulan and any number of Shakespeare plays.
One might also question this on the grounds of gender perhaps not applying to magical creatures, to which I reply that Hobbits, Elves and Dwarves seem pretty clear on the matter (although one can never really tell with Dwarves—all that hair and battle armor are quite concealing, and it’s poor form to actually ask).
In any event, like all “news” programs these days, I give you now, two opposing views on the matter of Santa’s gender. You decide.
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253 Comments | tags: Christmas, humor, men, Mr Santa, Mrs Santa, Ms Santa, Santa, Santa Claus, Santa female, Santa gender, Santa male, women | posted in From My Collection
The next few posts are from a collection of Funny Emails I’ve gathered over many years. They come from a time before email was common—a time long before social media. Back then we didn’t have the vast onslaught of material as there is now. The online world was much smaller, slower. And because the Era of the Image hadn’t arrived, the funny emails were usually just text.
A “pack rat” by nature, I saved those that really tickled my fancy. That was possible (and sensible) then; these days there’s too much to save, and one can count (more or less) on it remaining in place “out there” if you need it again. (That in itself is an amazing thing: we live in an era of an online, free, permanent information resource.)
I’m starting off with one of my very favorites: an examination of the implications of assuming Santa is real…
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10 Comments | tags: Bruce Springsteen, Christmas, humor, Reindeer, Santa, Santa Claus, Santa science, sleigh, xkcd | posted in From My Collection
Winter has arrived!
(click pics for full size)
Knowing me, you’d be pretty sure I couldn’t resist posting on 12/12/12, the last Golden Date of this century. If I was going to post anything this month, surely I’d come out of hiatus (even if just briefly) for that! On the other hand, knowing me, you’d know I have a really strong and stubborn contrarian streak and would be even more likely to defy expectations and not post!
Of course, if you really knew me, then you’d know that I knew you knew that I’d know you knew that I… um… wait,… lost my place there.
The point is, knowing or not knowing isn’t the point; the point is snowing! As in, “It was.” All of a sudden, like. A lot!
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19 Comments | tags: 12/12/12, hiatus, POV-Ray, snow, winter | posted in Life
Logos con carne 